A Bear's Tale

Better late than never

2011-03-19T05:01:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm running a little late on the picture post. It really has been a whirlwind of a week. We'll get to that in a little bit though. For now lets see if I can get some images on here without having a mental breakdown.

When I was sitting in my wife's craft room the other day I noticed how inefficiently everything was set up. It wasn't her fault, she just didn't have the proper work spaces to do what she needed to do. So this whole concept started with the idea of building her a new desk. The one that was being replaced was approx 2 x3. I built it a few years ago out of an old dining room table. It worked at the time but that was before Highland Handmades took off. Fast forward to now and just one of her pieces of equipment can consume that whole spot. That's when I decided to come up with this.

The size of the room made it difficult to get a good picture but here it is. All 7 feet of her. For being built out of 2 x 4's and plywood I am quite happy with the way it turned out. As much as I would have loved to spend the time building my wife a truly hand crafted table out of cherry or maple, it really didn't make much sense. To build a desk the right way out of hardwood lumber would have taken me 30-40 hours of labor and probably doubled my cost. This table and the two sets of shelves you are about to see cost me about $65.00 in material and a total of about 10 hours labor. I'm a little bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my wood working. I have to keep telling myself that this is only a work table and it's going to get dinged and nicked up. It DOESN'T need to be made out of high grade lumber. I've become very spoiled working at the mill. I get to see some of the most beautiful hardwood lumber that would have most craftsmen drooling and I get first pick. In the end what it all boils down to is this...She's happy, so I'm happy.

Next we get onto the shelves. Obviously when you decide to build something you start with a plan. Whether it's a plan you find online, in a magazine or one you come up with yourself. You need something basic to go by. I sat down for the rest of that whole evening with a calculator and a graph paper notebook. I knew when I started I wanted to do a set of shelves as well. Somehow I had to figure out how to get that desk as well as a whole set of shelves out of one piece of plywood. I knew it was possible but my measurements and my cuts had to be dead on. These are what I wound up with...

Standing just a hair over 6 feet tall and 27 inches wide these took the place of the cheap aluminum ones we had. These are 10x stronger and in my opinion look 10x better, especially with a beautiful lady draped over them.

So I posted last Friday about how I was going to get the pictures up here. Well there are 2 reasons that didn't happen and here they are...

First off, as I was drinking my coffee Saturday morning I couldn't stop thinking about a few extra pieces of that beautiful cabinet grade plywood I had left. I have been bored out of my mind this winter sitting at home with nothing to do. Spending the past two days in the garage was kind of a dream come true, and I wanted more.

After a quick trip to the garage to get all the measurements of my left over pieces, I headed to the graph paper. After a few rough sketches and another cup of coffee, I headed back into the garage. Approximately an hour later I emerged with these.

I'm hoping these little guys will come in handy. I fashioned them together in such a way that they were meant to be versatile. 24" wide by 10" deep and 16" tall, these guys will fit on top of just about any desk or cabinet. The way they are built would also allow them to be hung straight from a wall. They are good for just about anything you can think of, books, bobbins, beer bottles. Whatever you need for your upcoming work day.

When I started this whole plan of revamping the work area I had no intention of coming up with this second set of shelves. I am really pleased with how much I got out of the one sheet of plywood with very little waste. And not to toot my own horn, I think they look pretty good too.

By the time I had managed to get these shelves to their finished state and up in her craft room it was about 3 pm. We had dinner plans at 4 so I needed to get cleaned up and out the door.

A little over 14 months ago a friend of mine had a little baby girl. Karlee is one of the sweetest little girls you will ever meet, but there has always been something wrong. She's had jaundice for months. They have gone to doctors all over the state and are now going to Boston to try and figure out what is causing her liver problems. Well they finally nailed it. The problem is, no one has ever seen it before. Their best solution is to give her a liver transplant.

They have all been through so much that some people decided to throw them a benefit supper. It was a donation at the door spaghetti feed with a 50/50 drawing, ticket/prize raffles and auctions galore. People and businesses really stepped up for this one. There were over 50 items donated for the silent auction. 2 dozen $25 gift cards donated for another raffle and at least 30 themed gift baskets donated for the basket raffle.

We tried to help out what we could by donating this little beauty to one of the basket raffles...

This basket consists of two of our bulky weight yarns dyed up in Autumnish colors and aptly named "Bushel". We also put in a brand new set of bamboo needles and the 'Harvest Wheat Scarf Pattern' that my wife designed herself. I won't lie..I sneaked a peek in the can to see how the response was to the basket...I was pleasantly surprised...sssshhhhh

The turn out was amazing. The dinner was held at the Brownville Elementary School in the gym and let's just say, it was probably a good thing the local fire marshal was attending as a dinner guest and not on business. They served a little over 400 meals and they estimated that there between 100-200 people came that just came to socialize and put in for the auctions, etc.

In a small town area where the two closest towns combined only equals about 3200, a 600+ turn out in my mind is extraordinary. When it was all said and done they raised just shy of $10,000 dollars for baby Karlee. A true testament of how small town life can step up, even when the world and the economy are going to hell. On that night I was proud to say I was born and raised in Brownville.

As I stated this week has been a roller coaster ride and a half. I would like to explain more but this post is already long enough. I will come back sometime in the next couple days and try to get everyone caught up on the happenings as well as the regular segments.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend, folks!

The Great Flood of 2011...

2011-03-11T04:35:00.000-08:00

Actually it's a pretty minor flood. Some of the smaller streams and rivers are supposed to spill over from the inch and half of rain we are getting today. But, the rain is melting this @$#%$*! snow therefore it's GREATTTTT. Yay for springish like weather!!!

Let's just jump right into things shall we. Health wise I am still in a complete holding pattern. I still don't have any answers to anything and I still don't have any appointments booked with the cardiologist or the weight loss clinic. I know for a fact that both places have received my referrals so I'm not real sure what the hold up is.

Also, both my primary care doctor and my knee surgeon have reneged on their promises to write me letters of clearance to go back to work. The letter my knee surgeon sent to the mill is not what we discussed when I spoke to him. He maintains that it is and isn't willing to budge. The primary has decided she will not clear me until I meet with the cardiologist. I expected this to begin with. What upsets me is that she told me she would clear me and got my hopes up only to turn around and change her mind. At this point I don't know when I will be going back to work and it's looking like the knee surgery might have to get put on hold until next year.

I am on short term disability through my job. I am only allowed 26 weeks of disability a year. Right now I am already on week no. 6. I am afraid that by the time I meet with the cardiologist and figure things out with them and what may have to be done with my heart I will not have any time left for the knee surgery. I don't like the idea of this but right now there is absolutely nothing I can do. The mill isn't running to full capacity right now due to the economy and they certainly aren't willing to take any chances of bringing me back without clearance. I'm in a hurry up and wait kind of mood.

It's no big secret that I love wood working. My love of building things started at a young age being around my Grandfathers who were both master carpenters. Over the years I have built everything from cribbage and cutting boards to chairs, bird houses and book cases. I love working with my hands and there is a deep, deep satisfaction when you get to use something that you yourself made. We are into our third year of Highland Handmades and as it has grown it has slowly and unstoppably consumed our home. I give my wife quite a bit of grief about it but in all reality I don't really mind. She loves what she is doing and I have to fully admit, I enjoy it too.

on Wednesday as we were trying to get some packages put together and sent out it became all to apparent that our "work station" aka a desk, wasn't working at all. So being the completely bored out of my mind craftsman that I am, I devised a plan of building my wife a whole new work area.

After hemming and hawing for a few hours and trying to pry some ideas and opinions from my wife I came up with a plan. Thursday morning I made a flying trip to Home Depot with my trusty sidekick, Jax. We made it home about 11a.m. and I spent the next 5 hours toiling away in the garage. The end result is a 36" tall table that measures 24" deep and 84" long. It's built out of 2x4 frame work and topped with a 3/4" piece of cabinet grade plywood that is trimmed out in basswood. I have to admit that I am quite pleased with how it turned out. Today when I am done blogging I am headed back into the garage to try and fashion together a new set of shelves. Currently we have a set of the cheap aluminum ones which in all reality the sewing machine that is setting on them is too much weight.

When Heather has a moment (hopefully tonight or tomorrow) I am going to ask her to help me post some pictures on here of the two pieces. I would try to do it myself but the last time I tried posting pictures on here I damn near had a fit.

I do have more to say but since I will be posting again tomorrow I am going to cut this one a little short.

Have a great day folks

The next edition

2011-03-03T09:41:00.000-08:00

My life is changing.

It's happening in both the ways I have wanted and hadn't. There's not much I can do about the things I didn't want except to try to heal, fix and improve them for the future.

I've come to the realization that with these changes are permanent. Again some because they have to be, some because I want them to be.

I've tried hard never to take my life for granted. I admittedly fail at that sometimes. I can't anymore. I have known for a very long time that life can be snuffed out quickly and I think the last couple weeks has been a stark reminder of this.

I'm not trying to sound all down and depressed here, it's really quite the opposite.

I want to do more with my life. Do all the things I've dreamed of and go to the places, see the things, experience the experiences. That way whenever I do have to move on. I can do so saying I did things my way.

Part of the change I have decided is to open myself more to people. Share the things I experience and discover. So on that note, I give you the newest edition of "A Bear's Tale". Gone is the generic black theme and up comes something a lot more personal and something I love. I love maps, old, new it doesn't matter. I can sit there for hours and paw over them. I love seeing how things used to be a century or two ago and how they are now. I think it's kind of a fitting theme to my new outlook. Old changing to new.

You'll see I've also added a couple lists, which I will be updating regularly and may be adding more categories as things go on. Music is something I haven't really talked about much on here which is amazing because it is a huge part of my life. I have loved music for as long as I can remember. I listen to it every day, I used to play several instruments. I love the making of the instruments and everything about the whole industry in general. It's time I start passing a little of that love along. I'm also thinking about putting up a places to go and events list. What do you think?

I'm trying to make this place, my little blip of the internet more personal. Before it felt like just a blank canvas to throw out a few stories and updates. I want to make this place my online home. I want to make it feel more like me and not something everyone has.

We'll see if I can succeed in my new mission. I'm glad I've got you all here with me because it's definitely going to be an interesting ride.

Have you ever...

2011-03-03T03:50:00.000-08:00

had that feeling that so much is going on and you're trying so hard to make sense of everything and what to do that when you think of it, you just feel tired?

That's kind of where I'm at. The last time we talked I had said how I had made the trip to the ER with the chest pains, etc. Well, over the last few weeks I have been put through a battery of blood tests, stress tests, imaging test and the works. So far what I know is that my blood pressure is running a little high. Nothing extreme but they have started me on a low dose of hypertension meds and a daily regiment of aspirin.

The second thing that I know is that there IS some damage done to my heart. After completing both a treadmill stress test and a nuclear dye/adrenaline test they have determined there is some damage from a past cardiac event even though my heart seems to be functioning as properly as it can at this point. I DO NOT know the extent of the damage or what might have caused the damage. It could have been a heart attack, a weak muscle, anything and I don't know. I am being sent to a cardiologist in the city and I don't even have the appointment date yet.

Right now I am beyond frustrated with my lack of knowledge. I have a doctors appointment in a week and half with my primary care and I'm hoping I'll get a few more answers then. Tuesday I met with my knee surgeon and we have both agreed that the surgery has to be put on hold until this whole mess can be cleared up. He doesn't want to take any extra chances since he is putting me in an extensive surgery for 4 to 5 hours which will be hard enough on my system to begin with.

He is adamant about the surgery, however. After talking it over with him there is no real other treatment route to go. He hates the idea of doing this extensive of a surgery because there are risks involved but as he put it "you've got a set of tires that are way out of alignment and have been for a long long time, sooner or later those tires are just going to blow and there's no repairing them at all". If we can repair my knee the way he wants to Now I should be good to go for a replacement later on down the road. If I don't do anything and suffer through it, he said the chances of doing anything in a few more years will be nil.

So I guess thats about enough of the health crap for now. The weight loss has been pretty much non existant since the heart issues started because I was told to do no strenuous activities except light walking and lets face facts. It's Maine. It's winter. It's -25 fucking degrees. I'm not walking. I have been gingerly riding the exercise bike but its not moving me forward just keeping me where I'm at which I guess is better than going up.

So what else has been going on? This past weekend Heather and I made our way down to Freeport to the first (that we know of) fiber/yarn show of the year. We weren't vending at this particular show, just going to check it out as neither of us had ever been. I was impressed with the venue and the amount of people that were there. We met up with some other vendors we had talked to and got to know at previous shows. It was fun catching up with our friends and it really got us geared up for the show season this year. Our first show isn't until May. Now we're trying to find one in April cause we just want to do it that badly.

Since we are on the subject of fiber and yarns, I have made a very big decision in my life. We, at some point in the future, are going to own a buffalo. Yes, you read that correctly. I said a buffalo. I have always loved and admired buffalos. There are a couple different buffalo/bison farms in the state which I have visited over the years just because I love watching them so. Well, it turns out that buffalo down is a very desirable fiber. It is all harvested very ethically which I love and when I found this all out I decided I wanted a pair of buffalo down mittens. Heather took to the task of finding some down and then we both said in unision "Holy Shit".

Buffalo down goes for on average $100 AN OUNCE. not a pound...not half a pound...an OUNCE. It takes roughly 4 ounces to do a pair of mittens. Now its understandable that you really don't get that much fiber from a buffalo in one shot because basically you just walk around picking up pieces that have shed off. It takes a while to collect enough worthy of spinning.

So we let the idea of the mittens go and after many days of pondering to myself I said that I would really love to own a buffalo one day. I got online and did some research and I found out that although they are huge animals and do require a little room they are quite easy to maintain and a lot more affordable than most people think. A heifer costs on average around $1200 and a bull costs around $1400.

I know I'm not very smart but it seems to me that in reality you should be able to recoup your costs of the animal within a year or two just on the fiber alone. I could be wrong. I think though, if we had the right piece of land with good grazing and watering capabilities a buffalo would sustain itself for the most part, and most of my research backs me up on this. So yes. I will own a buffalo. a big furry cuddly buffalo. and I will hug him and squeeze him and I will name him George.

So reading is a big part of my life. Ever since I was a wee lil one I always preferred books to toys. So I thought as a new addition to my blog I would start a little snippet about what I'm reading and what I think of it. If any of you who read this enjoy reading as much as I do (and yes, Heather this even means you), tell me about it. I love hearing about new books and am open to suggestions. Well except for really sappy romance novels, sorry guys I just can't do it.

So currently I am reading two series but for now we are going to stick with the one I have my nose in today. The series is the "King Raven" trilogy by Stephen R. Lawhead. What Lawhead has done has taken the Robin Hood legacy, flipped it upside down and made it all grown up for us big people. The books are aptly titled "Hood", "Scarlet", and "Tuck". Hood starts off the series with a young Welsh prince without a care in the world except attracting the attention of Merian. Normans have taken over England and are making conquest for Wales. His father the king is killed trying to save his land and the prince himself becomes the hunted as well. Almost killed after being captured by the Normans he is taken deep into the greenwood of Wales and brought back to life by what he deems an old witch. Towards the end of the book you start to see the formation of the hero but in a far different light. Also in this book you see how Lawhead has taken the classic characters of Little John and Friar Tuck and breathed a new life into them.

I am currently about half way through "Scarlet". I love it. I can't say enough how much I love it and how much I thouroughly enjoy the way that Lawhead writes. This book starts off with Will Scarlet in a Norman prison relaying his story to a priest of his adventures with the hood. I can say with all honesty, in the thousands of books I have read in my lifetime that I believe this Will Scarlet is my favorite character ever. As I read this book I can so clearly hear Will Scarlet's voice in my head it's like I'm sitting there in the prison listening in on the conversation. If you at all enjoy the idea or story of Robin Hood and you can keep an open mind, please, please, read this series. This is a stripped down, raw, taken back into the earth, natural version of Robin Hood.

Stephen Lawhead is very quickly becoming one of my favorite authors. I began to read another one of his novels, The Skin Map, but quit halfway through since the next book isn't due out for atleast another 9 months. I'm the type that likes to read them bang bang boom style. From what I read however, I would recommend it as well.

I know this is a long post already but I need to keep with my commitment of sharing a little snippet or story of mine that brings back a happy memory. I know my wife loves this one so I'll put it out there for those of you who haven't heard it yet. I was a little bit of a hellraiser when I was younger. I always had a good time one way or another, usually at my own expense and other peoples amusement. If you dared me not to do something or told me I couldn't, I proved you wrong.

So one night I was in Bangor with my brother and a friend of ours. It was about 7:30pm and we were at McDonald's. It wasn't packed but there were a few people in there. As you probably know most McDonald's are nothing but plate glass windows on three sides and as we were walking out my friend dared me I wouldn't do a belly press on the glass. Now you got to remember..I weighed about 340 at the time. It took me about .5 seconds to decide and sure enough a guy half way through a bite of his mcchicken got a site I'm sure he still hasn't forgotten. I'll admit the glass was a bit cold and it was hot out so it left a nice ummm "outline" we'll call it on the glass. As we jumped in the car and sped off laughing we did a lap around the McD's to find that the outlines of my curvacious upper half were still dominantly steamed into the glass and the guy as well as a couple others looking at the window horrified.

The moral to this story? Don't eat at McDonald's...It's bad for your health any way you look at it.

Hoping for the best..

2011-02-02T03:46:00.000-08:00

I haven't had too much positive to say in the last couple weeks. I've been feeling like all I do is rant when I write a blog post so this time I thought it would be better not to write anything at all. It's got to the point that I have to get a little bit off of my chest.

Two weeks ago I was riding the exercise bike, pushing it pretty hard. Afterwards I started getting mild pains in my upper left chest and a little bit in my neck. There was no numbness in my hands or jaw pain, nasuea, etc etc. So I let it go thinking I just over did it. I mean I have been sitting at home for 7 months this past year, I am completely out of shape. I went to bed that night and the next morning they were pretty well gone. This past Thursday as I was working around the house, I had to go up and down the stairs several times in a short period and they came back, not as bad as before but this time they stuck around. So Saturday night I wound up in the ER with mild chest and neck pains after my left forearm started cramping up a little bit. Of course with my size and family history everybody went on red alert that I was having a heart attack. Heather and I wound up sitting in the ER until 1 a.m. before they finally released me. They did a couple sets of blood tests which both came back fine and did two e.k.g.s. One came back fine and one came back with a slight abnormality. The doctor said it could very likely be benign because the bleep came off of only one lead or it could possibly be a sign of a past event.

When I am up moving around and doing stuff my blood pressure does get slightly elevated. When I first showed up Saturday night it was 136/93 and Monday at the doc's office it was 130/90. When I am at rest, it goes down to the point of even being low (at one point while laying in a room at the hospital it got down to 85/45. go figure). So at this point we are not sure what is going on. I had to go have more blood work done yesterday and they are scheduling me a stress test. The doctor did say she will most likely send me to see a cardiologist and then I will probably have to have the catheter of my heart. I have a bad feeling I'm not going to pass the stress test but I am actually looking forward to it. I want to see what kind of shape my heart is in and get to the bottom of this. There is too many risk factors in my family so this needs to be taken care of now.

Admittedly, there has been a fair amount of stress going on the last few weeks. I am hoping that between that, the pushing myself on the bike and just being out of shape is the problem and nothing major. If I have to get put on a blood pressure medication so be it.

My orthopedic surgeon is pushing for me to go to the weight loss clinic and look into a weight loss surgery. I'm starting to seriously consider doing just that. I always said I didn't want to do the surgery but I think my choices and time are running out. My heart has handled my weight well over the years but I think it's going to start catching up with me and when it does it will not be good. I have to call my insurance company and see if they will even cover a procedure.

I guess thats it for now. I've got to go gas up the snowblower 'cause we are expected to get another 6-12" tonight. yipee

Big trains keep on rolling...

2011-01-17T04:51:00.000-08:00

I cannot tell a lie. This week pretty much sucked balls. big balls. It was sort of one of those weeks that if something could go wrong, it most certainly did. Somehow though I have managed to keep my mood and mentality on the upswing and I'm kind of in the "bring it on" mode.

We'll start out with the beginning of the week. Actually we have to go back to last year and then we'll come back to this week. I currently own a 20+ year old snowblower. This snowblower and I, we butt heads..a lot. The thing is a beast, I can remember watching it pull my grandfather around the yard when I was a kid and now it gets just as much enjoyment out of doing it to me. I can't lie. The thing has been a stellar machine. With minimal work and my family putting it to the test year after year it's held on like a trooper. Last year, towards the end of the season I lost a couple of gears in the transmission (reverse and one of the lower gears) it's to be expected. The poor thing is only a few years younger than me and I've lost a couple of gears already too so I feel its pain. Losing reverse was the biggest issue. I live on a hill and sometimes walking all the way to the bottom or trying to turn around on the hill isn't always an option. I debated on putting the money into fixing it or just going and getting something new. Low and behold my godparents had a plow for their four wheeler that they weren't using anymore and they graciously gave it to me. So I spent my fall prepping the wheeler to get it ready for plowing (changing fluids, putting on new tires and fabricating a new mount plate for the plow itself).

So now we fast forward to this week. We got hit by some snow..nothing to major, just 4-6". So I bundle up, go jump on the wheeler and vroooooom out the door at an exhilirating 3 mph pushing a plow width of snow down the length of the driveway. Now since I have a full plow width of snow to get rid of I have to push it further into the bank...So I drive her and push her and swear at her and just as I am happy, the winch quits on the plow and I'm stuck. So after a little swearing, kicking and name calling I manage to get the wheeler out and back in the garage. It appears the switch has gone to hell...so now that I have less than a quarter of the driveway done my means of clearing said driveway has gone kaput. I sit there idly pondering what forces really hate me when I spy the old snowblower sitting in the corner, beckoning me. "come and get me, come and get me, I dare ya, ya big chicken" it called out to me. Fine. So after a little more swearing, kicking and name calling I managed to free the blower from the confines of crap that I buried on top of it during the summer. She starts on the first pull, good. We make our first path down the driveway and once in the road out of curiousity I try the reverse. It works. W..T..F. I spent a month last season trying to get this stupid gear to work and all I got for my efforts was a lot of grinding. Now? it works seamlessly I finished up the whole driveway for that storm and one since with the old girl and it hasn't given me a lick of trouble...I think it's just trying to lull me into a false since of security.

So now we get to this second storm on this week that came in on Wednesday. I think we managed to get about 8 inches overall. Thursday morning my wife leaves for work and I saunter online to do my morning ritual while enjoying my coffee. The phone rings. As soon as I hear my phone go off I instantly know what has happened. I answer it to find a hysterical wife on the other end. She has had an accident. Because of some jack ass coming towards her in her lane the car has gone down over a 12 ft bank and come to rest in some trees. Thankfully she is fine. The guy in the truck that caused her to crash never even stopped to check on her. She is sore and a little banged up but otherwise fine.I call a buddy of mine who is our mechanic and also the local tow truck driver. After he, a friend of ours who lives up the street, and two cops show up, we shut down the whole road for the process of getting the car up the embankment. It was a little hairy there for a few minutes but overall he did an excellent job. The car has some damage but in my opinion nothing to consider it totaled. I am going today to try and get a couple of estimates and wait for the insurance adjuster to show up tomorrow. I'm just thankful Heather is ok. She was scared I was going to be mad or blame her. I'm an ass but not that much of an ass...however, if I do ever find out who it was that caused her to go off the road, we might just find out how much of an asshole I can be. I've yet to go to jail...I've heard its a nice place.

So now we get to Friday. Heather has gone to work, I'm sitting online waiting for my father in law to show up when my god sister sends me a message on face book. Dad is in the hospital, they think he has had a set of mini strokes and they think a couple of his arteries are blocked. This sent me a little over the edge. My god parents are basically the only family I have left. My real dad died when I was 9. Darrell has raised me. He's been the only father figure I have ever known because even when my dad was alive, he wasn't around much. There has been the joke for decades that Darrell is my real dad and if you looked at us, you might actually believe it. Hell if I didn't look just like my birth father in the eyes, I'D believe it.

The problem with both of my fathers is they didn't/don't take good care of themselves. They didn't/don't go to the doctors when they should and even when they do go to the docs, they didn't get the help they should have. This is kind of like re-living everything from 17 years ago. On Wednesday he is having heart surgery at Eastern Maine Medical Center which is closer to me then where he lives. I already know I'll be at that hospital all day. I know my god mother can handle it but my sister is going to be a wreck, even if she says shes won't be. Please guys, keep your fingers crossed for him and as selfish as this sounds, for me.

Now we get to the weight stuff, seeing is that is my goal of blogging about the weight once a week. Last week wasn't very good. Between everything going on and both my knees being kind of sore, I didn't count my calories the way I should have and didn't exercise the amount I needed too. On Thursday I was back up to 321. A lot of this was fluid weight because I had managed to drink a couple beers, a soda or two and a lot of coffee. I flushed my system with a few glasses of water and made a couple dozen trips to the bathroom and I was back where I was supposed to be on Saturday. I managed to get in some much needed exercise this weekend and I am happy to report that I am down to 317.8. Now, if you want to get really technical I missed my goal of 2.5 lbs a week because the starting weight of the week was 319.2. However, where I have only been dieting for two weeks and my original weight at the dr's office was 325.6...I have lost 7.8 lbs and therefore TECHNICALLY I am ahead of schedule....So I'm safe....That's my reasoning and I'm sticking to it.

I love my dog. As much frustration as he brings me on a daily basis for getting into things he shouldn't be and barking at every noise, I love him. I forget some days he's still a puppy at heart and there are a lot of things in this big wide world he hasn't seen. The other day while we went for our walk. Our walk takes across a set of railroad tracks. Jax has never seen a train, until Saturday. The dog went ballistic, his tail damned near beat me to death, he was bouncing all over the road, and enjoyed a rousing game of, bark at that strange man standing on the giant metal box. All he wanted to do was play with that giant motorized toy and the guy riding on it. He wouldn't move until it was around the bend and out of site, fussing and whining as it chugged out of site. I love my dog

This weeks numbers are....

2011-01-10T04:34:00.000-08:00

So I have come up with a goal, not necessarily a resolution, but a goal to try and blog at least once a week. If it is for nothing else it will be to record my weight loss goals, practices and results. I'm hoping by doing this much it will encourage me to continue on writing about what is going on in my life. I've always have something to say, but every time I try to sit down to write it out I lock up and my fingers won't move. This is frustrating beyond belief. All my life I have used written words to express myself.

In person I am pretty much a quiet guy, much to the dismay of my wife. I like to sit back and observe what is going on in life and in the world. It has been said that if you were to walk into a bar I'd be the biggest guy you'd never see. I have a way of fading into the back and dissolving into the landscape. I'm quite fine with that. I've always had my avenues of speaking out. The last couple of years those avenues have seemed to shut off. I have a hard time writing blogs. I haven't written a poem in I don't know how long. Enough is enough. Time to get the lead, er, keys out...

So the numbers for this week are...6.6 lbs. I am ecstatic about this! I know a lot of this is just soda weight coming off. When you have such an affection for Mt. Dew like I do, it tends to become a part of you..literally......I quit cold turkey on Jan 2nd and have done quite well all things considering. I did make the amendment that if I were to go out to dinner I would be allowed a soda. I admit I took full advantage of that Thursday night when we went out to dinner with my father in law.

So, Axing the soda was the first step. That saved me anywhere (depending on how bored I was sitting at home) from 180 to 800 calories a day (Sometimes those 2 liter bottles just seem to disappear). I will say that most days I drank one to two cans (180-360 cal.) so over the course of a week, even on the low end I just saved myself 1260 calories. whoooo baby.

I have been cutting back on my portions as much as I feel I can for now. I might try squeaking out a bit more later on. The dietitian I saw a couple months ago said that my portions and calories are quite average to a normal person. She said on average I eat about 2300 calories a day. From what I was told, for a person doing the type of physical labor that I do is quite low and is honestly acceptable. She did say that it would be much easier to lose weight if I did get to 2000 or under.

So that is the intake side of things, but what about the output. I have been trying to ride our recumbent bike every day (You can hear other horror stories of this bike on my wife's blog). I ride it for as much as I dare to push it with my knee. Usually this is around 300 calories. I've also been trying to walk the dog more often. Again, the length of the walk is based on my knee. Well, that and how cold it is considering IT IS winter in Maine. Friday we managed to go for a walk that was about 1.75 miles round trip. I'm really pleased that we are making it that far. It really does bode well for me as well as the dog. He's burning off some extra energy and weight as well. It's a good thing the whole way around. I am going to just keep on keeping on and hoping that this trend will continue.

I am still at home, not working. The doctor has told me I can go back on light duty but everything has to be cleared from the worker's comp insurance. I am under the restrictions of minimal standing, walking, and definitely climbing. If the mill reports to the insurance company that they don't have anything that I can do, I am stuck at home until god knows when. The boss did say he was looking for work for me but he was concerned by the restrictions as well as the fact that business is pretty slow right now. Keep your fingers crossed folks. I'm about to pull a "Heeeeeereee's Johnny" if I don't get out of this house before long.

I've got a couple things to finish this post up with and then we'll call it quits. First, I again have to say thank you to my wife for letting me steal her phone upgrade. I am hard on phones. Between working hard and playing hard a phone does quite well to last me a year. The phone I just currently had was dying a slow and pitiful death. It had been a trooper but it's lights were fading, literally. The hiccup was I was not eligible for a new phone until May, so my wife let me steal her upgrade and got me a brand spankin' new Samsung that is pretty much a twin to a blackberry. I love it. So far, in the house, it has the best cell service we've ever had. I'm impressed, and that my friends, takes a lot.

Secondly, don't hate me for the cliche line that is about to come out of my fingers. It's the small things in life that counts. Well folks, it's true. I have traveled all over this contintent, met a million people, done things most people will never do and I've got to say, it really is the small things that count. So at the end of all my posts from now on, I'm going to try and share a little tid bit of my life. It might be from twenty years ago or from yesterday. For today though, I want to share this....

Every thought, feeling, or memory is but a rain drop in a pond or a leaf in a forest. Each time we swim in it or walk its paths, it draws forth an emotion. Happiness, sadness, humor, tranquility. Every towering trunk that we pass is a story, a tale of our yesterdays, covered with little slivers of our inner self laying bare for all the world to see. We must use these sentinels as our landmarks, our maps of past journeys. Learn them well because to walk forward you must first look backwards. The past cannot hurt your future. It is to be learned from so that when we do move on, we do so with a deeper knowledge and a better since of direction.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that...

2011-01-05T04:21:00.000-08:00

So I know the last few posts I have been some what of a downer. I'm sorry. I really need to start writing some more fun and uplifting posts. I know I have it in me I've just got to dig out the Bear side of me and put away the starkingly realistic side. Unfortunately there will be a little bit more of that in this post, but I promise I will try to make most of this a little more upbeat.

I've made some decisions regarding the knee surgery. The decision right now is to put it off for approx. 4 months. When I left the Spidey's office the other day he scheduled me in for March 1st but told me if I wanted to I could make an appointment earlier to get things started sooner. I think for now we are going to stick with the March 1st appointment and here is why. 1) I'm fat. I'm not being self degrading or anything of the such, it's just pure fact. I am obese. I've always been big, ever since I was about 3 I've been a little bit above average. When I was in high school going through everything I was going through, I learned beer and whiskey were my friends. That and for whatever other reasons my weight went to a whopping 450 lbs. As of this morning I weigh 320 lbs. Before I went in for my surgery this spring I was down to 278, but after sitting at home for a total of 6 months this year not being able to get around and do much because of my knee, my weight has skyrocketed. Spidey is willing to do the surgery at this weight but he has expressed concern not only in the recovery aspects but as well as the anaesthesia. He told me once I gave him the go ahead to book the surgery it would probably take at least 1.5 months - 2 months to book the O.R. so therefore I get the 4 months I need to shed as much weight as possible. Because of this my weight has become my No. 1 resolution this year. My goal is to lose a minimum of 2.5 lbs a week. If I can do this it will put me near the weight I was of the first surgery. Obviously if I can manage to lose more, that would be spectacular. I am trying to keep my goals realistic, however.

The other determining factor in the delaying of the surgery is financial. After crunching the numbers so much that I became temporarily dyslexic I've determined right now it's just not do-able. I know 4 months isn't a lot of time to make a big financial impact on anything but I do believe we have come up with a plan that will make enough of an impact to make it an easier pill to swallow. Here's to keeping our fingers crossed that we stick to our guns.

The surgery has to happen. As Heather said in her blog, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. I need the surgery. I've come to terms with that part of it. I'm slowly..very slowly coming to terms with the idea of putting the plate in my leg and how it will affect my life.

One thing that I'm finding a little heart breaking is having to bail on my birthday goal. In early November I had decided to set a goal to get to 240 lbs by my birthday on August 29th so that I could go skydiving in September. Skydiving is something I've wanted to do for as long as I could remember. I finally had made the resolve to do it. Amazingly I had 4 friends offer their moral support and agree to jump with me if I could lose the weight. That was really slap in the face of reality. It made me realize just how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I mean, really, do you have friends that would agree to jump out of plane for you without even giving it a literal minute of thought? I still want to do the jump but I think we're going to have to postpone it for a year.

So that is that about the knee. Things may change but for right now that is the tentative plan.

How were your holidays? Mine were great. The one upside of being home with an injury is that I get to spend a little more time with friends, family and my wife. I was able to make some rounds the few days before Christmas and catch up. Something I haven't been able to do the last few years. We went to my Aunt and Uncle's Christmas eve afternoon and enjoyed a couple hours over there. I think the best time was the hour long nerf gun war we got into with my nephew. It's been quite a while since I've had that much fun. I'm not a big one for receiving gifts but I've got to admit, Heather knocked it out of the park this year. We have a long standing tradition of opening a gift on Christmas Eve and this year she gave me Donkey Kong Country Returns for the Wii. It's awesome. My brother came over that night and the three of us stayed up til about midnight playing it. It was about the best Christmas eve you could ask for.

She also got me the entire Harry Potter book series, I love the movies but I have never found the chance to read the books so it was an excellent gift. She got me the new Trans-Siberian Orchestra cd which kicks ass, as well as a new work light for the garage. Finally she surprised me with a photographers gift pass to the Maine Wildlife Park. The Maine Wildlife Park is basically what it sounds like, you can check it out here http://www.state.me.us/ifw/education/wildlifepark/. The photographers pass is a special permit where a guide takes you around before or after hours and actually takes you in the enclosures with the animals so you can get unimpeded photos. My brother has graciously agreed to let me borrow his digital SLR camera for the shoot. I am super psyched about this gift. My in laws also bought me a gorgeous New England Patriots hoody and my brother in law and sister in law bought me Cabelas' Dangerous Hunts 2011 for the wii. I made out like a bandit this year!

New Year's eve went pretty similarly to Christmas Eve. Lot's of Wii. It was quiet with a couple beers. Even though Heather suffered a migraine later in the night overall it was a good time.

So, now that the subject of New Year's has been brought up, I guess it's time for some resolutions.

My resolutions this year really aren't all that creative. I'm stealing most of them from the list I posted earlier last year. I'm definitely willing to add things as I go through the year but here's what I have so far.

1) the weight thing. it's kind of a needed thing obviously

2) Take my nephew out for another day. I took him out to McDonald's and to see Iron Man 2 this summer. It wasn't much but he said it was awesome. Maybe this year we can do something a little more

3) Go to the Penobscot Observatory. My sister and I almost went this past fall. If it hadn't been for an hour long wait to get in we would have. This year it's a must. Get ready, sis.

4) Get lost. I'm going to be home for 6 months. I think, just maybe I can find some time to go for a ride and try to get lost. If I can somehow just lose my uncanny sense of direction I'll be all set

5) Go camping at least 3 times. Again, I'm going to have some time recovering. I should be able to devote some of it to sitting around a campfire getting eaten alive by mosquitos.

6) Read. Read. Read. I have 17 books on the waiting list to be read. That's not including some of the classic lit that I want to delve into. I don't think I will get all 17 read this year so my goal is going to be 14.

7) Write the third chapter of Heather's story. It's been a few years since I wrote 'There Be Beasties' and I think she deserves the next step.

For now that is it I guess. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to leave me comments. I'm always up for ideas for resolutions or opinions. If you have anything, Spit it out!

See ya folks

Happy New Year.

2011-01-01T05:03:00.000-08:00

I want and have to start this post off by wishing everyone a Happy New Year. I hope this year we'll meet you with good graces and that the next 365 days will bring you good health and good fortunes. May we keep our resolutions and say good bye to the year of 2010 that has haunted many of us.

That being said. Lets get down to business shall we. Between facebook, e-mail, my wife's blog and my own you know that I fell at the beginning of December at work and injured my already bad knee. It has also been said in the past that the idea of surgery had been thrown around quite abit prior to this newest injury. Well, I met with the surgeon.

On Thursday afternoon I met with the new ortho specialist. For now and future reference we are going to call him Spidey. In my research of him I have learned that he is one of if not the best ortho surgeon in Maine. From what I've heard and seen of his credentials and clientele, my estimation is that I'm in good hands. So I meet with Spidey and I like him, he seems to me like the right mix of business and personal. I want a doctor who makes me feel comfortable but at the same time makes me feel like he knows what the hell he is talking about. As he is going over my chart he sends me in for a set of xrays in his office. So when I finally get back we spend the next 45 minutes going over everything he has in my folder along with the new set of scans. To put it bluntly he's worried. He's never seen someone my age with a knee that is as messed up as mine is. So we go over the options. I don't like what I hear.

He is proposing what he even calls a "very serious surgery". The procedure is going to take 4 hours in the O.R. followed by a minimum 6 month recovery. In his words, "You're going to go through hell". The procedure is basically this, he wants to lay open my leg. Spidey wants to go in, completely disconnect my knee cap, take a good size chunk out of my tibia (shin bone) an inch or so below the knee join and then try to reattach my knee cap so that it will set where it is supposed to and STAY there. But that's not all folks, oh no, that's not even the fun part. He then wants to go a couple inches Above the knee join on my femur and break it. He wants to break my thigh bone, spread it open so that my leg is straight. He then wants to attach a metal plate and screw it in a few times so hopefully it will take to the bone. That is just what he has planned so far. He said he can already see some arthritus building up again so I don't know if he wants to try to clean that out or not. I know for a fact I have a new tear in the miniscus and I imagine he will try to repair that since he will be in there anyway.

Most of this was done on my own though. Spidey said the new miniscus tear was from the fall at work and the fall definitely did not help the prior problems. So as much as I didn't want to screw my company anyways, most of this financial burden will fall on us. To me, right now, that is the major problem. The thought of this surgery turns my stomach. The idea of putting a plate in my leg doesn't set will with me. I understand though, that if I want to get better this is what needs to be done. The problem is I don't know if it can be. As everyone in the world knows the economy sucks. Money is tight for everyone. At this point I don't even know if this kind of surgery and recovery is financially possible for us. I can get short term disability through my work but I lose almost $125 dollars a week compared to my normal paycheck. I just don't know...

So that is where I am at right now. I already have some New Year's resolutions but right now I just can't get them on here. Maybe later today I'll see what I can do but for right now I need to walk away.

One part saint and two parts sinner, with the last part still on the line.

2010-10-23T15:37:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder, who, which or what higher power did I piss off? Sometimes I think I have an idea but then I wonder if the things I have done are really enough to constitute what I go through. I've done some horrible things in my life. Things that, not to sound to cliche will haunt me well past my grave. I've tried to make amends. I really have. There are, though some things that cannot be justified or amended. I've changed my life and let go of the person I was. I've tried to grow up and be the best man I can be.

There are days when I feel like I might actually be making some headway and then there are those days where you take two steps forward and 99 steps back. Where I am going with this is kind of simple. I feel like giving up. I feel like I have lost my fight. There have been days sometimes even weeks where I felt down and feeling blue. But I always knew I'd come back strong given enough time. I don't feel that way anymore.

Ever since I can remember life has put my soul through hell, but *I* put my physical body through equal punishment. For a long time I almost had myself convinced I was indestructible. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and had the time of my life (sometimes). For a long time, I felt so dead inside from everything else that I craved the physical pain so that I could still know I was alive. And before any of you jump to conclusions, I was not a cutter or a burner, druggie or anything like that. No matter how many bones I broke, gouges I took from flesh, shapes I contorted my body into..I walked away. Some days the pain took a little bit longer to go away, but I always, always walked away. Now, there are days I can barely walk without help.

This past winter I underwent a knee surgery that has now been proclaimed by myself, physical therapist and surgeon as a failure. I went through 5 months of healing, physical therapy and strength training. The pain never totally went away but was to a level I thought manageable. Then I returned to work two months ago and I realized just how wrong I was. When I left work in February we were working 42 hour weeks. When I went back in July we were working 48 hour weeks. After the first day of 9.5 hours on my feet I realized I was in trouble and it has only gotten worse since. I cannot make it through a day without wearing my rigid support brace. It makes life miserable having 2.5lbs strapped to your leg for 12 hours a day but I have no choice. A few weeks into work my knee had a sharp snap followed by instant swelling and ungodly pain. I worked through it.

It happened again two weeks ago and this one was even worse, putting me on the ground for 5-10 mins in the middle of the mill. I called the my surgeon back and he got me in on Tuesday of this week. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Upon a reasonably fast evaluation he came to a few conclusions. A) There is a grinding in my knee that wasn't there before. B)I have lost 10-15% of my mobility in 2 months (C I need to go to physical therapy again, as well as an MRI AND see another specialist then there is (D) <-- D gets double parenthesis cause its a doozy. (D) He is recommending to this new specialist to perform an extensive surgery on my knee yet again. This new surgery entails cutting my knee wide open, completely severing any ties to the knee cap, repositioning said knee cap and trying to reattach everything. And that is just what we know of now, he is reasonably certain there is some more damage that the MRI will show that will have to be fixed.

He sent me to PT yesterday in the hopes that maybe we could do something that didn't involve the surgery. So I went to PT and within 30 seconds of my therapist looking at my knee she flat out said that she could not fix it. All she can do is POSSIBLY help the pain. So now. My sanity is hanging on the balance of this new specialist.

I had a very very hard time coming to terms with having the first knee surgery. I spent almost half of this year out of work because of it and it was for nothing, actually it was for less than nothing because after taking several hundred measurements of my leg, my therapist says its off more now than it was before surgery. I don't know if I can go through this again. I don't know if my job will let me go through this again. If this surgery is as extensive as it sounds it could mean an even longer recovery time than the previous. The word disability has been thrown around quite a few times this week. To every single one of you have mentioned the idea. Fuck you. Most of you that have brought it up are the ones I have worked beside for years in one place or another. And every single fucking person that knows me knows all I have ever done since I and anyone else can remember is work my ass off. I have worked until I have literally worn holes through the skin on my fingers. Worked so many hours in a row that I honestly don't remember how I got home that night. I've shoveled shit, stocked shelves, sold guns, pumped gas, sawed and piled lumber and everything else in between. All I want to do is keeping do that. It is who I am. I want to earn my living and go home at night knowing that I did it on my own and not on some one elses dime.

I know in my heart of hearts that I have deserved every single thing that has happened to me over the years and I have done my absolute best to shoulder what has been handed to me and carry on.

I also know in my heart of hearts that I will keep carrying on, now matter how much more is piled on. I will be who I am as I've always been. But tonight, the load feels like too much.

You little Skamp..

2010-05-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

Before I get into anything else I want to give my deepest condolences to Fox. I know you're a strong girl and you will pull through, but if you need anything at all, Heather and I are both here for you, hun.

Now onto the newest of things. I've got myself a new project *rubs my hands together in mischevious fashion and laughs maniacally* We now have a pop up camper. But before we get too into the new, lets take a few steps back. As you all know Heather and I absolutely love to go camping. I used to go a dozen weekends out of the year atleast growing up and now we still go as often as we can. The problem is that it never fails to rain atleast one of our trips every year and being as hard as it is to actually get the time to go, we suffer through it. Most times its not too bad, except for the "thunder storm of doom" as Heather puts it the first summer we were together. That was, until last year.

Last June we went on our annual camping trip to Bar Harbor for her birthday and as we packed up Thursday night the weather forecast was for showers Friday night into Saturday morning. Eh that's no biggy, we can deal with a few showers over one night out of 3 days. We arrived at the campground at almost exactly noon Friday, at 12:15 it started to rain and it never stopped til 10 am Sunday. When I say rain, I'm not talking drizzle, or showers, I am talking full on, god taking the mother of all leaks type rain. For 3 days. We spent 3 days inside of the tent. We wound up eating every single meal at a restaurant cause we couldn't keep dry or have a fire.

We decided that very weekend, we needed to upgrade. We aren't willing to stay home so we decided we needed a camper. We didn't want a huge camper, we still want to be somewhat rustic. I don't like feeling like I'm living in another house when I'm in the middle of the woods. So we decided on finding a small pop up. We looked around for a few weeks and didn't really find anything we could afford. Then came my birthday party. My godparents showed up to celebrate with us. Our house was already full so they decided to bring their new camper they had found. It was 25th anniversary 1989 Skamper pop up. It was the perfect size for what Heather and I were looking for, very basic but in good shape. It was going to be ours. The problem was, no one else but me knew that (grin). I begged and pleaded with them to sell me the camper or better yet, just leave it there for me but to no avail. So the search went on.

The fall came and went and I still couldn't find anything else I liked and I wanted that damn Skamper. Then out of the blue in February Gene (godmother) called and asked if I wanted to buy it. I told her I most certainly did if the price was right. She said all she wanted was what she had invested in it, which is $500.00. I told her it was a deal but I didn't have the money right now cause I was getting ready to go out for my surgery. She told me not to worry about it, we'd work something out. So we have a plan.

Fast forward to now. The other day I was talking to my Darrel (godfather) and he told me to get my ass up there and get the damn thing out of the way (litteral words). No problem, So Friday I hit the road at 5:30am ready for my 3.5 drive north. I returned at 7:30pm with the camper and was totally thrilled with the way it towed, having absolutely no trouble on the 200 mile drive.

So as I said before this is a 1989 camper. It's not in perfect shape. For being 21 years old it is in very good shape. It is in need of a few minor repairs and a hellaciously good cleaning. I am going to post some before and after pics on this post of the first cleaning I gave it and I will do so later on of the other things I do to it. Its my hope to start blogging about all the trips we take from now on. I'm hoping we can expand our horizons a little further now that we have something a little more solid to sleep in. It's first real test will be the first weekend in June for the Fiber Frolic and then a couple weeks later for our annual trip to the Harbor. Here's the first set of pics...

Due to some technical malfunctions the pics aren't in perfect order...so here is

After.... Before....

P.S. Tomorrow I am taking my nephew out to see Iron Man 2 after he gets out of school. Working on #53 of my list. Yeehaw

Hard to take..

2010-04-20T02:05:00.000-07:00

So here I am, up at 5 am writing on blog. I have had a pretty restless night and the dog finally decided seal the deal at 4:15 when he needed to go out.

What is there to keep me awake and write about at 5am? Well, yesterday afternoon I made my way to Millinocket to have my 2nd follow up appointment with my knee surgeon. On my way up which takes about half an hour through the woods, life was good. The sun was shining, there was no traffic (yes there can be traffic, even in the middle of the woods, this traffic just usually consist of 140,000lb log trucks). I even got to see my first moose of the spring, which his fresh new antlers poking through his forehead. Life seemed good for those 30 minutes. Then reality bitch slapped me.

My knee surgeon is the best. From the very first minute I met him I felt comfortable with him and for some reason at that same moment realized that I totally trusted this man. In all my appointments with him I have found that I really take what he says to heart and I believe what he tells me really is what is in my best interest. Maybe it's because he's british, I don't know.

Anyway, as the appointment went on and we discussed my aches and pains, he was going over his reports from physical therapy as I related my side of the story. What it boils down to is progress is not moving at the pace it needs too. My knee cap is not re-aligning the way he had hoped it would and my leg is only working at about 20% capacity. He is giving me 6 more weeks of physical therapy. This somewhat stole the wind out of me, kind of the whined up to the bitch slap coming. I was only supposed to be out 6 weeks to begin with after the surgery. Next Tuesday it will be 2 months. I have worked full time since I was 15, when I was 19 there was a little lull in there where I was laid off, but that was only for a couple weeks. I found under-the-table jobs that had me working more than a normal week.

So as I was running things through my head at the speed of a f'in bullet train, the next thing that comes out of his mouth is that if he doesn't see the progress he wants in 6 weeks, there is a better than fair chance he will want to take me back into surgery to do what he can to re-align everything his way. And KER-POW. It literally took me about 5 seconds to truly process what he had just said to me. He was seriously talking another surgery. A surgery that by my understanding is a bigger undertaking than the first one we went through.

I am honestly lost here. I am torn in ways that I really can't describe. There are going to be people here that say its a no brainer decision. But its not that simple. I have been out of work for 7 weeks, we're talking 13 by the time I even know if I need surgery and then could very well be another 12 weeks of recovery after that. My wife has been stellar through this whole process. She could of very well told me to go fuck myself several times but she has stood by me through everything. I don't know if I want to put her through this again.

The thing that scares me the most is my job. The Lumbras have treated me like family over the years. Whenever I have needed something they have been there for me. They really are the best people in the world to work for because they are the only place I have ever seen that truly, truly cares more about their employees than themselves. That being said, I can only expect them to put up with so much. They already had to hire someone to take a lower job so one of the more experienced guys could slide up and fill in for me. I am going in this morning to talk to the bosses and see what they have to say.

I need to get in contact with my short term disability provider cause I am not completely sure how long my benefits will last. I absolutely cannot and will not put all the financial burden on Heather. I guess that is what it really boils down to. If I lose my benefits, I'm going back to work.

My knee, I think, is better than it was before I went into surgery. It might have to be good enough. I said from the beginning that if I was going to go through this I was going to do it the right way, because there was no sense in doing it if I was going to half ass it. Now I'm scared I just might have to half ass it to survive and worry about fixing it the right way later on.

Fiberista

2010-04-16T04:13:00.000-07:00

That's my wife's title. A title that means, artist, designer, creator, marketer, owner, shipper and everything else that can be described as a job in her small business. Last fall Heather took her dream of starting a yarn and fiber business and took off running. Of course she started small like most business have done and over the last few months it has expanded bit by bit. She has sold numerous products, been mentioned in podcasts that have 40,000 listeners and joined multiple communities to spread the word and the love of her business and the art that is involved.

I have never seen her so happy, so fulfilled, so content at doing something as she is when working on her products. I have to be the first to admit, although I care nothing about knitting or crocheting or such...what she does is beautiful and she has pride in that which she has created.

A short while ago we were sitting in the living room talking and she was saying that she wanted to take her business further and further. I told that I would support her in every way I can with this business. She wants to make a career out of Highland Handmades. I think it can be done. Although it may take a few years yet to sustain a lifestyle from this business I think it really does have the potential to happen.

She wasn't sure though, how to get her name out there more, how to make the business increase because although people have been buying some stuff, the online pictures don't do it justice. Several times when people have seen her products first hand they have bought them instantly. So I said the solution was simple. The Maine Fiber Frolic. She kind of wheeled back because the Fiber Frolic is a big deal. Dozens and Dozens of vendors get together to sell their yarn and fiber goods on the first weekend in June. Wait. The first weekend in June This is the first weekend in April. Shit, we're no where near ready. She only has about 2 dozen products done up to sell. We need about 12-14 dozen atleast. She doesn't even have enough raw product to do a quarter of that. So, I told her to make a decision. Yes or No. I said that I would do everything within my power to make it happen if she decided she really wanted to do it. Hesitantly she sat there and looked at me, I could see her mind running a million miles an hour. I think she thought I was toying with her. Finally after a while she said she wanted too. So we were off and running

I know what it takes to run a business. I grew up with my family running a store. I opened a diner with my mother when I was 15. I know it takes money to make money and the problem is, her business didn't have the capital to order the amount of raw material she needed for the festival. So the next day I sat down with a note book and our checking account and spent the day running numbers and the such. That night she had enough money for her wholesale account. The next day we went and got her the insurance she needed for the Frolic and sent in her fee and application to secure a spot at said show.

I think its has set in to both of us how much work is ahead of us to get this pulled together in a month and a half and we are both ready to go full steam ahead. So now she is awaiting her 44lbs of raw material and she will begin the dying and skeining process. I have my hands full with building her some displays to use. We will make this work, not because we have to..things more often than not DON'T work when you HAVE to. I know this will work because we WANT it too.

I want my wife to have the business she wants. I want her to have a career that makes her happy and gives her that feeling of completion that only this business gives her. She deserves that. She has worked so hard over the years that I know she has what it takes to make this work. She works two jobs as it is already and she still, still comes home at night and on her few days off and works her butt off to get this thing going. I am so proud of her. I am proud that she works so hard. That she takes chances on the unknown. That she puts so much love and passion into something. I am proud of the woman she has become because of this business. I hope she knows that. Every time she dyes something and she gets the finished product her eyes glow just a little bit and this radiant smile appears. That smile that shines of pride that you can see runs right straight into the core of her soul. If its possible that smile makes me love her even more, my wife, my fiberista.

So I've joined the ranks

2010-04-08T04:37:00.000-07:00

I know that there is a few of my friends out there that have had their gallbladders removed and I can now say I'm right there with ya, guys. I'm now one among the slightly gut-less brigade.

On Monday morning we arrived at the hospital on time and they took me right in and got things underway. First off, I have to say that I absolutely love this hospital. It is the hospital I was born in and have been going to my entire life. Through all my mother's illnesses they took exceptional care of her, always and every time going that extra mile to make her comfortable and happy. And they have always done the same for me. My wife, only having gone there with me and for a couple quick blood draws can attest to my accounts.

So getting back to the story they took me in, got me ready, gave me some drugs, gave me some more drugs and then took me into the O.R.. Within 2 minutes I was sound asleep and before I knew it I was waking up recovery. I woke up a little freaked because there was so much pressure and pain in my chest that I could just barely move my arms. The nurse took great care of me, explaining that it was the gas they had to pump into me to do the surgery and it travels up into the shoulders. They doped me up again, then again, then again and all was right with the world. I don't know what it was that they gave me, but two thumbs WAY up!!

After 45 minutes or so they wheeled me back to my room and let me veg for a while with my wife where I spent about an hour and a half with nurses, drs and even the anasthesologist (I know I spelled that wrong) coming in to check on me. I managed to get a coffee and a couple pieces of toast into me and after a bit longer and a couple vicodin later I felt comfortable enough to get up and move around some. They told me I could stay as long as I wanted to but at that point I just wanted to go home and so I proceeded to get dressed very slowly. Not long after I was out of the hospital and we went to a local restaurant to get a small bite to eat since Heather hadn't eaten all day and it was already 1:30pm.

We made it home and its been several days and most of the pain is gone and there has been no major incidents. The incision just below my belly button has given me a bit of trouble leaving a 3x6 inch red spot/bruise going towards my groin. We are keeping a close eye on it but I am fairly certain it is just a bruise that is healing. keep your fingers crossed.

I am hoping by Saturday I will be able to walk comfortably so I can finally get off my ass cause I gotta tell you, it's getting pretty old.

I have to give thanks to my wife for taking such good care of me. The last couple months have been hard. First knee surgery and know this this surgery. The recovery for the prior has been slow and painful but there is progress so I guess that is the whole point. I love her and I can't show her enough appreciation for everything she has done.

oh my!! Could it really be 2 in a row?!?

2010-04-01T03:59:00.001-07:00

As a matter of fact it can be. Apparently yesterdays little rant paid off in some small ways because the truck issue is righting itself in a little better means than I was hoping. What this post is about today is a list I have. I started making this list last year on the day after I fell and screwed up my knee. As I sat on the couch watching t.v. for 8 hours straight I realized that up until that point I had wasted a lot of my life. wasted a lot of potential. I don't have to do epic things in my life, but I have to do something. I've seen people waste their entire lives and then on their death bed say how much they regret not doing this or that. I already have my regrets to take to the grave. I don't want to add more. This list is something that I am working on over the next few years. You may have heard of something similar from other people such as the 101 in 1001. This isn't that extensive of a list and I am not setting an exact day to finish it on. This list isn't complete though. As time goes on, I will add to it, so as my fans, friends and family I encourage you to make suggestions for me. I will try to update on the list when I can. I have already managed to cross a few things off but there is still a long way to go...so lets get started

1. compete in the maine highland games (this one is iffy)
2. Figure out knee issues (done!)
3. Get a tattoo
4. Buy a digital SLR Camera
5. Move out of Brownville
6. Read 3 pieces of classic literature (suggestions? Moby Dick is my only choice so far)
7. Meditate once a week (yes I know how to meditate)
8. Visit Nova Scotia for a long weekend
9. Reconnect with family (already a work in progress thanks to some help from my sisters)
10. Find a hobby (also done, I bought a four wheeler last fall and my wife has bought be wood carving tools)
11. Take the katahdin across moosehead lake (for you that doesn't know what this is : http://www.katahdincruises.com/)
12. Lose 50lbs (after the last month, better make that 65)
13. Learn to play guitar (I have a basic understanding, but a long way to go)
14. Take a scenic flight over Bar Harbor ( again : http://www.scenicflightsofacadia.com/
15. Take a tropical vacation (any destination suggestions?)
16. Take a trip to D.C. (this could be a possibility for next year as a family trip?)
17. Write a story and publish it
18. Go skydiving
19. Enroll in college
20. Volunteer 120 hours
21. Donate food for 10 families on thanksgiving
22. Donate gifts for atleast 20 kids at christmas
23. Take a kid to the bookstore
24. Start to learn a new language (This is going to be hard because there is a few I want to learn. Japanese, Italian, Spanish, Gaelic)
25. Visit Maine Maritime Museum (http://www.mainemaritimemuseum.org/)
26. go camping for 30 nights (this doesn't mean consecutively)
27. Hike Gulf Hagas (google Gulf Hagas and check out the images...this is about 20 minutes from my home)
28. Learn to reload ammuntion (again, I know the basics and have done it with people before)
29. Get Lost
30. Go Parasailing
31. Marry Heather again
32. Help Heather finish getting her Masters degree
33. Get Organized (Ha!)
34. Put $3,000 into a savings account
35. Walk 10 miles at once
36. Collect all of Pat McManus books (He has a collection of about 15-20 books. Currently I have 7. He is a funny, witty outdoor humorist who wrote for magazines such as Outdoor Life and Field and Stream for 20 some odd years)
37. Clear all debts (this may take more than a couple years)
38. buy more woodworking tools
39. Shoot my .348 winchester rifle at 400 yards (my father in law and I have a long standing bet that I can't hit the broad side of a barn at 400 yards...I hate to take his money though)
40. Go whitewater rafting
41. Establish Highland Handmades w/ Heather (done)
42. Buy a piece of land (if I could just figure out where....)
43. Have a night out with Heather once a month (we have been doing pretty good with this one)
44. Go to the top of the Penobscot Observatory(www.maine.gov/doc/parks/parksinfo/observatory)
45. Put together my entire family history (lord help me)
46. Go to six flags
47. Collect new art/pictures for our home
48. create enough wood working to bring in a second income
49. Buy a new pistol (what can I say..me and guns, we're tight)
50. Learn and practice 3 unconventional fire starting methods
51. Take the polar plunge again (www.freezinforareason.com)
52. Teach Jackson to ride on the back of the four wheeler
53. Take my nephew out for a day

So this is the start of my list and the things are definitley not in any order. As I said before, if you have ANY suggestions, please, give them. I don't care what it is. I would love to do more for other people and encourage the ideas. But right now I think I am going to go work on number 36 and read some Pat. Have a good one guys!

Just a bit overdue perhaps?

2010-03-31T09:49:00.001-07:00

So before anyone tears me a new one...I know...I know. I haven't updated in months and I've left some of you hanging. Most of you have a pretty good idea of what is going on with me anyways so I haven't felt the overwhelming need to blog about it...the truth is though, I missed you guys...

So lets get down to the nitty gritty. Last fall I fell and truly screwed up my knee. I tore the miniscus in two places, tore some cartilidge in other places and set my kneecap over about an inch from where its supposed to be. A month and a half ago they operated on it. The operation was from my understanding a success although the dr has already said that I will need more work done in the future. I have been in physical therapy for the last 5 weeks with no definite end in sight. I am glad that I am finally getting this issue taken care of, but I don't know if I am getting the results I wanted. I have been laid up for a month and a half, not able to work and its driving me insane. I'm doing my best to try and hide it but my cover is wearing thin. What is making it worse is I don't know for sure when I will get to go back to work.

On Monday morning, April 5th they are going in to take out my gallbladder. This is both a good and bad thing. It's good because I am hoping it will alleviate some of my pain and sicky feeling. I am somewhat worried about this though because every test they have done has shown that the gallbladder is fine...but then again so is everything so why not just take it out anyways? This is also going to set back my P.T. schedule, further delaying my return to work.

What does all this spell. No Highland Games. If my knee was completely healed tomorrow I would still not be able to get into the physical condition I need to be to compete in August. This breaks my heart...what crushes my heart is the fact that from the sounds of my drs recomendations...I'll never compete. This isn't set it stone but it might be the wisest decision I can make.

To top all this off...I've gained 15lbs since I've been out of work...blaahhhhhhh
So that gets the health issues out of the way..

We've been having vehicle issue upon vehicle issue lately and its starting to get tiresome. It seems we can't keep a vehicle on the road for more than a few weeks without something going to hell. This week the truck needs a new headgasket which will probably cost us $400-500 and thats just after dumping 300 into our car 2 weeks ago.

As much as I have just whined about getting back to work...part of me doesn't want to go back to my job. I want to work...I just don't know if I want to work at the mill. Things have changed there. Relationships with coworkers have changed and I rapidly feel like the time for me to move on is coming closer and closer. The problem is that there is no other work around here that even remotely comes close to what I am making right now and we just simply can't afford to take that kind of cut right now.

I am making good progress on my pre-req's for school since I've been off which is really good because I went through a couple month lull where I was only doing a couple lessons a week just to get by. I do think I am changing my course in academics though. My previous interest was going to involve way to much desk and office work and I just can't do that. I've had a full time job for the last 13 years and I've never sat behind a desk. I can't start doing it now. I think I am leaning towards becoming a home and building inspector. I'm currently waiting for some information to come to me in the mail..I'll just have to take it from there.

Well it's almost time to go pick up my wife from work so for now I'll sign off saying that without you guys, I wouldn't be in as good as shape as I am and I need to thank you guys for everything you do, physically and emotionally. Its my goal to try to start updating once a week but I make no promises. love ya guys

Some much needed thanks...

2009-08-31T17:29:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday was my birthday, and we decided to throw a little party for my 26 years well spent on this earth. It turns out that it was a birthday weekend instead of just a party and I really feel like I need to express some deep thanks and gratitude to those who tried so hard to make it such a great time.

Tara and Mark, You guys drove all the way down from Houlton and partied with me Friday night, got me completely hammered and bought me an amazing 32" flat panel t.v.(which btw, is (f***ING AWESOME!) and ontop of it you still had to get up and leave at 5 am to make it to work.

Gene and Darrel, Gene I have to especially thank you for driving the long 3 hours, overcoming some tough emotions, breaking through the walls and swallowing it all so you could come down and spend not only my birthday with me but your own. Oh, and I will have that camper, oh yes, it will be mine!

T.J. and Deeds - You guys are awesome, I mean come on, who else would go through Gallblader surgery on Friday and then still drag themselves up and soldier on to still make it to a friends birthday on Saturday, only you Deeds, thank you!

Rob - It was your busiest weekend in this entire year, and you probably could of been doing a thousand other things to get ready for your show but you still took a few hours to come see me (and laugh at me) and you proved yet again why you really are my brother and best friend.

Lloyd and Debbie - I know its quite a haul up here, especially in less than prime weather but you still managed to make it and atleast spend part of the day with me. oh and thanks for the snausages, Deb!

Heather - never has a person tried so whole heartedly to make me happy. No one has ever gone to such lengths to give me what I want, how I want, when I want. You really are amazing hun and I know I never say it enough but thank you so much for what you do for me. I love you!

I could go on and on with this list and thank everyone for all their kind words, and I do, I truly appreciate every single person who wished me a happy birthday, it was these people I listed and all of you that made it one of the best birthdays ever.

Are you ready??

2009-08-23T04:31:00.000-07:00

Infact, I think I am. With some helpful ideas from some friends and unending support from them as well as my wife, things are starting to move along in a big way. On Tuesday night my wife and I sat down and hammered out a thorough/brutal but well rounded work out routine that will carry me every other day for the next year. Since I don't really have any equipment yet we have been getting my training started with a 2.5-3 mile walk each night after work.

However, equipment will be on its way here tomorrow. A friend and coworker of mine gave me a hella good deal on a big universal weight machine that has every one of the possible exercises that I might need for my upcoming events. Combine that with the exercise bike we have and the punching bag for even more cardio, I am hoping to be in the best shape of my life by this time next year.

The fun doesn't stop there though. I said that the work out routine would take me through every other day. To fill in the gaps, with the help of my best friend and wife, we are laying out a course on the spread of our property. There will be a spot for me to practice my weight for distance and stone puts, as well as the 30ft high pole bar to practice the sheaf toss and weight for height. The only one that might present a challenge will be the caber toss...because of the size, height and distance needed for the event, I might have to ask my boss if I can practice in the field behind the mill some nights. I'm sure I'll figure out a way to make it work.

I took a trip to the gravel pit the other night and spent a little over an hour weighing and testing out an assortment of different throwing stones ranging from 16.6 lbs to 29lbs. I will hopefully picking up some burlap sacks and a couple bales of hay this week. The only thing really holding me up is the weights. I really wanted to purchase my weights so they are more "official", more like what Id actually be throwing, but the 56lb weight that I need for 2 of the events is at least $180.00 and the 26lb I need is another $120.o0. It's a lot of money that we don't really have to be investing in the such right now but I am trying to figure out ways to make my own reasonably cheaply, unfortunately everything we come up with costs near the same.

I am going to apologize to some of you. I know you are probably going to get sick of reading about these games and my training but I ask you to understand this. This thing right here, these highland games are the...and I mean the only big thing I have ever done for just myself. Everything I have ever done in all my memories has been done with someone else in mind. And that includes going back to school. Yes, I do want to go back to school, but its so I can make a better life for not just me but my wife, its to make her, my friends and especially my parents proud. Not only do I want this, I need it...I need to prove to myself that I can do it. That I can walk the walk.

Going back to the aforementioned for a moment. School is going really well. I am a little behind schedule but I am going to be taking some extra time at night to get caught up and even get ahead a little bit. So far I am really pleased with the classes and the programs that the Adult Ed uses. By this time next summer I will be completely done all my prerequisites. There has been a slight change of plan however. I was truly hoping that when I went back to school it would be full time, that I would get by on a part time job and I totally dedicate my days to school. That is not going to happen, atleast not for the first couple years. My wife and I have talked about it and agreed that it would probably be best if I kept working full time for the first couple years and took night classes to get all the basics and such out of the way. Its fine I guess, I'm still going to school and thats all that matters.

For now, I have to go to work. There is clean up to be done and a garage to destroy when I get home. This week is going to be a hectic one, my 26th birthday party is next saturday ((BTW, whose coming?!?)) and the house, lawn and garage is a complete wreck. We have family showing up Friday so I lose a day there. So for the next 4 days, wish me luck.

A step...or rather a toss in the right direction

2009-08-17T15:59:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday my wife and I attended the Maine Highland Games and Scottish Festival. First off I should mention that this is something that I have wanted to do for YEARS and for some reason never did. There is a lot of Scottish heritage in my family and is something I am very proud of. The colors of my kinsmen runs through my veins as much as the blood does. I also have a deep love of the general culture of all the british isles.

We got there as the gates opened and from the first moment, for the first time in what feels like my whole life, I found a place that I felt like I actually belonged. People there were so inviting and friendly that it really made me take a step back. Now you have to understand, I have lived in the same town my entire life, I know EVERYONE and EVERYTHING about EVERYONE and I dont feel like I belong here.

The day went perfectly walking from tent to tent, talking to all the different historical societies and the different clans that came to fly their colors and represent their families. Eventually we made our way down to the sports field and had a seat on the knoll to watch the competetitors go at it. As I watched them throwing the stone (the mideval version of shotput) and throwing the sheaf (tossing a hay bale) I realized how much fun it looked. Now dont get me wrong, these people are true athletes and train hard for these competitions, but it looked fun and I wanted to do it. I couldnt compete that day for obvious reasons but as we walked around the rest of the day I mentioned the idea to Heather and with her support I made the decision. Starting today I am going to be a Highland Games Competitor. I have months of training ahead which is kind of perfect since their season is drawing to an end but next August 21st, I will walk on to the Topsham Fair Grounds wearing my family's colors and compete as an amateur in the Scottish Heavy Events.

I am asking all of you, my friends and family to support me in this. I will need every bit of encouragement I can get. Some kind words as well as some screaming at me may be necessary cause the road will be rough and the training will be a death sentence endured but in the end I believe with all my heart it will be worth it.

I am hoping in time if I achieve any amount of success that maybe I can travel to different games across the country and maybe even one day compete in Scotland as an amateur. If anyone has any questions or wants to know anything about this, please, please feel free to ask...Ill do my best to answer anything.

As I was thinking about this today, which I admit, I did all day, I thought of this line to end this with.

There is a good chance I will fail, There is a better chance I will succeed, but this is the BEST chance I've ever had to be the man I have always wanted to be.

Too my wife

2009-06-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today, we met together on the shores of Pleaseant Pond surrounded by our friends and family and vowed our love for each other. 730 days later we stand together still, better, stronger and if possible even more in love. We've taken on this rollercoaster and walked off the other end, sometimes a little woozy and stumbling from time to time but we have always come out the end. I love you Heather Naomi Monroe Kinne, more and more with every day. You have taught me that is alright to dream, to believe in things, and to take care of myself as well as others. You have stood by me when others would have ran. You have showed me unhindered devotion and caring. I truly believe that you are the thing that makes me complete and I feel so lucky to have you. I love you, babe. Happy Anniversary

The second chapter..

2009-06-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

A year or so into our relationship, my wife asked me to do something special for her. I asked her what it is I could do and she said that she didn't know but she wanted something that no one else had done for her. So after months of hemming and hawing and trying to figure out what that one thing could be, I wrote her a story. I took the life that we had created together so far and transformed it into a fantasy world. After winning her heart with the tale I decided that I should keep going with it, taking our adventures thus far and making them into the grand tales of Bear and Amalia. Eventually I will post the original story but for now you can feast on the second chapter. I give you "There be Beasties!" Please enjoy

It was the eve of the summer solstice in the sixth year of the second age. The Bear Prince had just returned home from a long day’s work in the forest, harvesting lumber and firewood for the coming winter. Every man, commoner or royalty, put in an honest day’s labor in the northern kingdom. It was the only way to ensure prosperity in the land and Bear was more than willing to comply with the tradition. Just as he sat down to enjoy a cold drink with his wife, a rapping came from the front door. Amalia kissed her husband on top of the head and left to answer the door. It wasn’t more than a moment later that she was calling fro him. As Bear turned the corner to the foyer, he saw standing in the doorway a man who was visibly exhausted. He had long brown hair tied back and wore a plain cotton shirt and knee high boots. Strapped to his side was an old-fashioned navy cutlass. Bear recognized immediately that this man was a sailor.
“Who are you?” Bear queried of the man.
“Sir, I am Geddy and I have come here at the behest of a man named Acadia.” Bear’s eyebrows shot up at the mention of the name. He quickly ushered the man into the sitting room. After getting him comfortable, Bear made his way to the kitchen to get him a meal and a drink, Amalia only a step behind.
“Who is Acadia, m’Love?” Amalia asked, obviously worried by Bear’s response to hearing the name. Bear took a deep breath and leaned against the counter, his mind obviously traveling backwards in time.
“Trenton Acadia has been one of my dearest friends since I was able to walk. He is now the Mayor of Pub Harbor Village on the far Eastern shores of Desert Island. If he has sent for me, something is seriously wrong.” They got the meal together for the messenger and made their way back into the sitting room, letting Geddy feast before grilling him for details. “So, Geddy, what problems have come to Pub Harbor?” The man wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin, took a deep breath and began his story.
“Three weeks ago, on the eve of the full moon, when the sun sank and the misty twilight settled in the harbor, a ship came into view. We didn’t think much of it, as it is getting to be summer and more and more ships come in. We heard something strange, though, a loud piercing sound. And then another and another. It was only then we realized it was cannon fire and our village was under attack. When someone finally found a scope to try to see the colors of the ship, we discovered it was the Dread Pirate Geoffreys.” At the mention of that name, Bear’s eyes went wide and he slid forward to the edge of his seat so he would not miss a single word of the story.
“Who is the Dread Pirate Geoffreys?” Amalia looked between the two men with a concerned expression. Bear laid his hand over his wife’s and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“The Dread Pirate Geoffreys is the cruelest sailor to take ship in the last two ages. He robs from the poorest and kills innocent men and sea creatures alike for nothing more than the pleasure it gives him.”
Taking another long breath, Geddy went on with his tale. “It all happened so quickly. It seemed one minute he was still five miles out to sea and the next he was already on shore, making his way to the village with his crew. They killed two dozen people, robbed shop after shop and then as quickly as they came, they were gone again, just like the wind. Luckily, most of the village still stood and the next day we began to fix and rebuild what was destroyed. But a few nights later they came back again, and again a few nights after that.” Geddy sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. “Pub Harbor is in dire need of help, my Prince. We fear what is still left standing won’t be for much longer and Trenton thinks you are the only one who can help.” Bear sat there for a good long minute, his eyes staring out into the falling sun on the horizon. Amalia was at his side, an obvious look of discontent on her face. He stood up and paced for a moment in the sitting room, staring only at the floor in front of him.
“I know you are tired, but can you ride, Geddy?” Bear crouched down by the man, resting a hand on his forearm.
“Of course I can, Sire,” the sailor nodded in response.
“Rest for now if you can – we ride hard in an hour for Pub Harbor.” With his decision made, Bear stood up and made his way out of the room and up into his and Amalia’s bedroom, again with Amalia only a step behind him.

“You know I’m coming with you, right?” she declared to the prince.
“M’Love, this is a dangerous journey and I could not bear the thought of putting you in harm’s way,” he replied.
“But you have said that I can handle myself better than most women you know,” she retorted. “You won’t win this one, Bear. I’m going.” Bear let out a long, deep breath and nodded in agreement, stuffing a couple of shirts into a satchel. Amalia busied herself packing her own clothes and the rest of Bear’s as he went to a large wooden cabinet in the corner of their room. Taking a key out of his pocket, bear swung open the large oak doors. Before him, carefully laid out, was a small arsenal of different weaponry. First he holstered two pistols on his own belt, then set aside a belt and pistol for Amalia. Next came the daggers; one on his belt and one on hers. Finally, he took down the two swords that hung on each of the oak doors – one was broad and heavy, obviously his, the other shorter with cleaner lines and more sheen, obviously the weapon for a woman with more finesse. Bear walked over to her and handed her the sword, wrapping her hands around the pommel, his hand resting over hers. Amalia looked down at their hands and then moved her eyes up to his, where she could see the worry.
“You cannot hesitate,” is all he said to her, and she simply replied with a nod of her head. A short time later they were on their way through the eastern woods, headed for the far coast.

Pub Harbor was a two day ride. First they had to head south through the city of Bangor and then head due east past the Lucerne Castle and the village of Ellsworth. Bear hoped with any luck they would catch the tidal flow right and be able to ride the horses across the sand bar at low tide out onto Desert Island. Amalia had never been to Pub Harbor with Bear so she was both excited and frightened at the same time. She had no idea how to prepare for what was ahead but at the same time she was glad to be at Bear’s side.

They had little trouble crossing the sandbar onto Desert Island and as soon as they reached the shore Amalia noticed the difference in the terrain. The trees on the island were mostly all pine and spruce and the landscape was nothing but rolling hills in all directions that swept up and then slid off into the deep blue waters of the sea. “It’s gorgeous here!” exclaimed Amalia. Bear and Geddy both smiled, taking in the view around them.
“There’s no other place like it!” replied Geddy proudly. As they rode for another hour or so a giant mountain peak, the largest on the island, started to come into view on the easternmost point of the island.
“Bear, what mountain is that?” asked Amalia.
“That, m’Dear, is Callidac Mountain and at the base of it is Pub Harbor.” Still they rode on, up and over many more hills until they were almost touching Callidac Mountain. As they crested a sharp hill, buildings came into sight. They made their way into a village that started halfway down the hill and looked as if it would slide off into the sea at any moment.
“Thank the Gods, it still stands!” cried Geddy joyfully. Bear had to admit the beauty of Pub Harbor and the land surrounding her was enough to take his breath away every time. Pub Harbor was filled with shops, all famous around the world for their handmade crafts. You could find anything from pottery to jewelry, fresh baked goods to clothing. Of course Pub Harbor had to keep up with its namesake as well, and boasted dozens of pubs within its streets, each different in a unique way and each brewing their own homemade ales, which always proved a tasty temptation for a weary sailor.
As they made their way down into the village, people were out cleaning the streets, fixing doors and windows and straightening the signs in front of their shops. Amalia was enthralled with the variety of stores and pubs. Everywhere she looked there was something different, and she wanted to see it all. Bear couldn’t help but smile, watching her almost fall out of her saddle trying to look at everything at once. Bear noticed one pub in particular with huge bay windows and teal green signs. Hanging from its front door was a large sign painted in gold stating the name of the establishment… Geddy’s. Bear leaned over and nudged his new friend and pointed to the pub. Geddy chuckled. “My wife’s place! She runs the pub while I’m out to sea. Speaking of which, you and Amalia are more than welcome to take one of the rooms above the tavern at no charge!”
Bear smiled and nodded. “Thank you, my friend; your offer is greatly appreciated.” With that Geddy parted ways with Bear and Amalia so he could go see his wife while they went to look for Trenton Acadia.

As luck would have it, Acadia was not a difficult man to find. The village square was a grassy knoll that was cut into the center of the hill. It was adorned with a gazebo and a monument to the sailors who had lost their lives at sea. It also offered a perfect view of the harbor and open ocean. There, standing in the middle of the gazebo with his advisors and some of the residents of Pub Harbor was Trenton Acadia. They were all pouring over maps and pointing in different directions, arguing among themselves. Bear and Amalia made their way to the gazebo totally unseen by the group who was totally involved with themselves. Bear cleared his throat and a few of the men jumped, letting out yelps as they were startled by the man and woman who had so suddenly appeared among them. Acadia had a much different reaction. Trenton leapt over the railing of the gazebo and tackled Bear in a massive hug. Suddenly realizing his manners again, he stood and introduced himself to Amalia before declaring to the rest of the people that help had finally arrived!

That afternoon Amalia spent a few hours wandering from shop to shop looking at all the different merchandise while Bear and Acadia reminisced and tried to devise a plan at the gazebo. “Are there any ships left?” Bear asked of the Mayor.
“All that’s left are a few small fishing boats and one larger vessel that should be returning tomorrow.”
“Is she able to stand a fight?” Bear asked, a hint of hope in his voice.
“She might be able to make a run, she has twelve guns on board, but The Friendship is more of a cargo ship.”
Bear sighed and sat back in his chair, looking at the map of the northeastern sea in front of him. “As soon as she makes port tomorrow, have the captain re-supply and get a fresh crew on board. At the very least, we need to do some scouting.” Acadia nodded in agreement, staring down at the same map that Bear was looking at. For now, though, m’friend, let us drink,” Bear cracked with a grin.

That night almost half the town was crammed into Geddy’s Tavern, all sharing Geddy’s famous dark stout. Bear and Amalia, Geddy and his wife as well as Acadia and his were all seated at the head table, while the other residents all talked and joked across the tables. Bear stood, clearing his throat and raising his glass, and immediately the whole tavern went silent. “My friends!” he exclaimed. “Drink hearty tonight for we know not what comes on that horizon tomorrow. I toast you all now.” He nodded at Geddy and Trenton. “To friendship!” He smiled at Amalia. “To love!” He then raised his glass to the windows and out to the sea. “To freedom! Salute!” With that, a roaring “salute!” and cheering filled the bar. They all shared a few more pints of the dark stout before retiring for the night, off to get some much needed sleep for the next day’s adventures.

The next morning, Bear woke to bright sunshine, the salty smell of the sea air and Amalia humming, sitting in the window looking over the Harbor. Bear rose and kissed her gently and she smiled up at him. “Love, I have been hearing something strange all morning. If I didn’t know better I would swear I’m mad! I’ve been hearing thunder constantly, yet there are no storm clouds on the horizon.”
Bear laughed and patted her gently on the head. “I will show you the source of your thunder, just as soon as we eat some breakfast.” As they made their way down into the tavern the scent of fresh blueberry pancakes and bacon filled the air. Bear and Amalia sat with Geddy and his wife and enjoyed a homemade feast while they all talked back and forth about the happenings of the different kingdoms and different cultures. After finishing up, Bear packed a lunch for himself and Amalia and loaded up the horses.

Amalia was stunned by the beauty of the rocky shore of Desert Island. The cliffs were made of solid pink and gray granite that rose from the sea floor and went hundreds of feet into the air. They passed Seal Point which lived up to its name; hundreds of seals lay beached, enjoying the summer sun. As they continued past the sandy beach the rumbling of the thunder started to get louder and louder. Finally they broke through a clearing and all you could see was a wall of water. Every time the tide rolled in, it filled a narrow cavern and thundered outwards, creating a giant spray that went twenty or thirty feet into the air. “This, Amalia, is Thunder Hole, the source of your unseen storm,” chuckled Bear. Amalia was amazed by the raw power as they walked down the cliffs to get a better view.
“How deep is it?” she questioned Bear.
“No one really knows. The last person that fell in didn’t make it back out. The current here is far more than any man can withstand.” After a time, Amalia had seen and heard enough and they continued on with their journey around the island. Bear took her to a small winding carriage trail that worked its way up the side of Callidac Mountain until it reached the summit. The top of the mountain was littered with boulders half the size of a house and when you stood on top of one you could see for miles and miles in every direction, including directly down upon the village that was more than half a mile blow them. It was on top of one of these boulders that bear laid out a picnic for him and Amalia. They sat for a while talking and eating, enjoying the warm summer sun and the cool breeze of the sea.

Just about the time they finished their meal Bear spotted a four-masted ship returning to the harbor below. It was The Friendship returning from her voyage to the Southern lands. Bear and Amalia had a ship to catch so they quickly packed their things and made haste down the mountainside and into the village. Their timing seemed perfect because as they reached the dock they had just finished putting fresh supplies on the ship and the Captain was gathering a new crew. “Welcome aboard The Friendship, my friend!” He greeted Bear and Amalia warmly.
“Are you ready for another grand adventure?” Bear asked.
“Always ready for a romp!” howled the captain with a smile.
“Well, let’s go see what trouble we can get ourselves into!” chimed in Amalia.

A short time later they set sail and were headed into open waters. On board with the crew and captain were Bear, Amalia, Acadia and his advisors as well as Geddy and a couple other pub owners. They set their course in a South-Easterly direction to follow a small chain of islands that could pose possible hideouts for Geoffreys. The water was clear and calm with a good tail wind. It was perfect sailing and they were making good time. Although Amalia was nervous about possibly coming into a battle, she was having the time of her life. She had never been on the open sea before and she loved the freedom that it offered. Being there with the man she loved made it all the sweeter and no matter what happened after today, she was a happy woman. They rounded the chain of islands a few hours later, each man looking through his own spyglass for a hint of pirate, but there was nothing there but seals and rocks. The Captain brought the ship back around and started to head back in the direction they had come, just as the sun was starting to sink in the late afternoon sky.

“There be beasties!” came a bellow from the man in the crow’s nest. Sure enough, a few hundred yards off the port side a giant fin came up out of the water and splashed back down. “Is that a whale?” jumped Amalia. Bear nodded and took her hand, leading her to the side of the boat where many of the men were already watching the creature. Soon another fin appeared, then a tail. They had stumbled across a whole pod of them. The helm brought the ship around closer to them so they could have a better look. Everyone watched as the whales played on both sides of the boat. They leapt into the air, blew plumes of water high into the air, and smacked their fins against their sides. After a few minutes Bear noticed that the whales were headed in a northerly direction and he turned to the captain. “Isn’t it sort of odd for them to be heading north this early?”
The captain thought for a moment and then nodded in agreement. “I can’t say that I’ve seen in forty years on the water.”
Bear watched the whales for another few moments before spinning on his heels and hollering to the helm, “Mate, make a northerly course for Pirates’ Cove!” Everyone on the ship gasped and turned to look at Bear.
“There is no more Pirates’ Cove!” cried one of the town advisors. “After the fall of Blackbeard, the Scotian Maritime Navy took over the island and renamed it Halimouth Island and uses it as a guard post for the Maritime harbors,” stated another. “Even you know that, Bear,” added Acadia.
Bear looked at them all and shook his head slightly. “Gentlemen, if you were the most feared pirate on the seven seas and you had a crew of over fifty cutthroats at your command, would you think twice about storming an island that had a mere fifteen guards on watch?” All of their eyebrows started to go up, ready to argue with Bear again when he added, “And when was the last time that Scotian guard from Halimouth set foot in Pub Harbor?”
“Well, it has been about three wee…” The advisors jaw dropped.
The captain needed no more encouragement. Charging the deck he drew his sword. “Helm, full sail ahead!”

The sun set and they sailed on in the light of a three-quarter moon. They came into sight of Pirates’ Cove and sure enough, on the western face of the island The Maelstrom laid anchored. Amalia looked up into Bear’s eyes and asked him quietly, “How did you know to follow the whales?”
Bear turned, motioning out to the sea. “Whales are the oldest and smartest beasts of this Earth. They have seen the atrocities that Geoffreys has committed, killing their kind as well as our own. They too want vindication as do the rest of us.” Amalia turned and looked at the approaching island. Pirates’ Cove was a narrow spit of land that rose straight up out of the ocean and was a mass of solid rock. There were no shallows around the island, so a ship could sail right to the cliffs and drop anchor. It made for quick unloading and fast getaways. The island was filled with caverns that led into tunnels that wormed their way through the rocks. One in particular led straight up to the top of the island; it was a perfect lookout point. It was that exact reason that the Scotian Navy had taken the island and Bear was guessing it was Geoffreys’ reason as well.

The captain led the ship to the eastern face of the island where they were hoping they could surprise the pirate crew. Bear, Acadia, Geddy and Amalia led the crew into the cavern, with the rest armed to the teeth and close behind. All they found in the first cavern they came into were a bunch of drunk and passed out cutthroats which the crew quickly gagged and bound together. It was in an upper cavern that the fun began. As they rounded one tunnel’s corner, the group entered the largest cavern in the island and it was full of nasties. A great battle began between the pirates and the Friendship crew. The sound of pistols blaring and metal clanging was almost deafening inside. Bear watched a shadow duck into one of the other caverns and he took after it, knowing it was Geoffreys. Amalia went to follow her love but was soon ambushed by three men. She drew her sword on two of them and they went back and forth the around the cavern, trying to best each other. The third pirate tried to sneak behind Amalia to gain an advantage but she was having none of that. She forcefully thrust her hard-heeled boot into the man’s jewels and sent him screaming to the floor. “A hole in one!” she exclaimed loudly. The other two pirates became distracted by their comrade’s cries of agony and Amalia took the opportunity to clean her sword through one’s heart while drawing her pistol on the forehead of the other. The cutthroat knew he was bested and surrendered.

While Amalia tended to the rest of the pirate crew with the sailors of The Friendship, Bear had engaged Geoffreys in a fiery battle. The two men fought over the entire island, in and out of caves, leaping over boulders and trudging through tidal pools. They had put each other through hell and were bleeding, but neither was keen on giving up. As the Friendship crew gathered the rest of the pirates into the brig on the ship, the metal clanging of the Geoffrey’s and Bear’s swords echoed throughout the entire island. They had made their way to the top of the lookout point where no man had an advantage except his skill. They battled on into the cool night while everyone from below watched. Geoffreys made a powerful lunge at Bear and as Bear went to take a side step he tripped, falling straight onto his back. Geoffreys, putting all the strength he had left into a final lunge, went clean over Bear and over the cliff’s edge. When Bear stood, Geoffreys clung for dear life by the hilt of his sword; it had been driven into the ground with the force of his lunge. “I beg of you, me prince, help me! Mercy!” cried Geoffreys loudly.
Bear crouched down, easily able to extend a hand to Geoffreys if he wished. “Mercy?” said Bear. “Where was the mercy for all the times you raped the sea of her bounty again and again? Where was your mercy then, Geoffreys?” Bear wrapped his hand around the pommel of Geoffreys’ sword. “I have no mercy for you. Harm was done by your sword. By your sword, so will it be undone.” With that, Bear pulled the sword out of the ground by the pommel and sent Geoffreys falling into the murky ocean below. Amazingly, the dread pirate survived the fall, but just as he raised his fist into the air to swear his vengeance against the Prince, a plume of misty water rose high into the air directly behind. Just as Bear said the words “There is your mercy,” with a dark smile, a great whale leapt high into the air and crashed thunderously down onto Geoffreys, sending the pirate into crushing black oblivion.

Bear made his way down through the tunnels and out into the open caverns where he was greeted by Amalia and his other friends. It was obvious that he was sore, but he would survive. As they made their way back to the ship, Bear admired Amalia’s handiwork with the cutthroats. “It seems you’ve been busy,” he chuckled.
Amalia leaned up and kissed him lightly on the lips and smiled. “A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do,” she said.

They made their way back to Pub Harbor on The Friendship with The Maelstrom in tow. The pirate ship was to be cleaned and re-commissioned as The Windjammer: Royal Protector of Pub Harbor. Upon their arrival back in port, they were greeted by all the village residents as well as people from all over the island. A great celebration ensued and lasted deep into the night. The village of Pub Harbor was saved. They had their treasury back, they had a new protector, and they also had a prince and princess who needed some sleep.

After a long night of drinking, music and dancing, Amalia awoke to the sound of Bear humming, sitting in the window, and overlooking the bay. He stood up and walked over to her, sat next to her on the bed and kissed her softly. “Happy birthday,” he said to her with a smile.
“Huh?” she looked up at him in sleepy confusion.
“You didn’t think I forgot, did you?” he chuckled and handed her a small gift-wrapped box.
“I guess I thought you would, but I’m glad you didn’t.” Amalia sat up, eyeing the box with a huge grin. She tore into the package as soon as Bear handed it to her and pulled out a bangle bracelet of two dragons with entwined bodies and a clasp of meeting heads. “Oh, Bear! It’s beautiful! Where did you find it?”
Bear took the bracelet and put slid it over her hand and onto her wrist. “I had it made right here in Pub Harbor, just for you. I know how much you love dragons.”
Amalia kissed him deeply again and ran her fingers over the bracelet and let out a small sigh. “What’s the matter?” Bear was confused.
“Oh, nothing at all, my love,” replied Amalia. “I just wish for once I could see a real dragon.”
Bear chuckled and swept a few hairs from her face. “Well, maybe someday you will.”
Amalia looked at him with a raised eyebrow and huffed a little. “Hon, you know that isn’t possible. There’s no such thing as dragons! I’ll never really get to see one!”
Bear leaned over closer to her and whispered in her ear, “Never say never …”

A bit of a scare

2009-02-05T05:35:00.000-08:00

Last year or maybe it was even two years ago, my wife introduced me to a sight called thisisbyus. Now defunct it was a sight where amateur writers could post any type of literature that they wrote. It was a wonderful sight where you could share something you created and didn't have to fear persecution. You were always guaranteed to get some responses by people who both loved and hated what you wrote. The best thing about the responses were that none of them were cruel or malicious. If someone didn't like your post they simply said why and offered some suggestions to possibly make it better.

I used the sight for a while to post my own work because as some of you know I have been a poet for over 10 years now writing well over 100 pieces. I am not claiming to be good by any stretch, I always just wrote what was on my mind and used it as a way to express my emotions. The last piece that I wrote was a tribute to one of the greatest (in my mind) authors of all time. Edgar Allan Poe. This man taught me things through his words that showed me a way to release a thousand entrapped emotions that were slowly killing me.

The scare, as my subject suggests is that I posted that poem on thisisbyus and I could not find the original copy anywhere. I thought I had lost the poem when the sight shut done and that it was gone for good. Luckily by chance this morning I found the copy so for your viewing pleasure (and so I can have yet another back up copy for safe keeping) I give you "Poe's World"

The raven cries out to all, “Nevermore”
Echoing through eternity, echoing evermore

Echoing through caverns and through titan wood
On through a dreamland not yet understood

Across the lone waters, the lone and the dead
Where there it falls deaf on a madman’s head

Guilt is the burden that he must carry
The beating of a heart drives this man weary

Where can he escape? Where can he flee?
He’ll follow those dark figures, those strangers he sees

Into the earth, deep beneath his feet
Into the deepest and darkest and ghoulish retreats

As quiet as a mouse down every stair
Into the realm of devilish scares

Greeted by stench and casks on the ground
And still it follows! That damned beating sound!

He bolts and he screams “To be rid of this hell!”
Only to be met by the toll, toll, tolling of bells

But on this night so dark and so dreary
Where so many weep and so many are weary

Love and life balance on a pendulum’s swing
Left to the mercy of an Eidolon King

Still there’s a hope, a shining star in the shade
Where pride is determined, and has yet to fade

A far off shadow dream now uncovered
‘Tis El Dorado! It has been discovered!

Bronze and silver and mountains of gold!
Sapphires and diamonds, more than any man can hold

Yet glee is fleeting and is soon to pass
As gold turns to stone and rubies to glass

Each of these gluttons had greed galore
And all ignored the heed of the words “Nevermore”

Without trying to steal his own words, I tried to create a single story, a world, pieced together by some of his most beloved works. I just hope others can enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

Finally!

2009-02-04T04:48:00.000-08:00

Finally after a week and a few minor mishaps I can say that I have one of the major projects done on my list. We put the finishing touches on my wife's craft room last night and the only thing left to do is bring in all her yarns and actual crafts. I went into the room again this morning and it finally sunk in how different that room was and I got to admit that I am quite proud of it.

In other news, my annual winter cold has sunk in and is royally kicking my ass. Sneezing and hacking constantly and sleepless nights...I might chug a bottle of nyquil tonight...that'll do the trick.

I read a post of one my fellow bloggers the other day and it has really gotten me thinking. Fox was saying how she cares about her grades now, in her higher education than she did back in high school. As I read the post I felt like I could really relate to her as I was one of the "troublemakers" or "slackers" in my school. I used to party some and with everything else going on in my life I was out of school more than I was in it. I used to work 50 hours a week in our family's diner plus try and keep my grades up. When my mom went through her first bout with cancer, I was the one that went with her most days to her chemotherapy. My senior year I missed almost 2 months of school with a severe case of mono. My grades weren't terrible...I usually held a Bish average, but they could of been better.

I didn't go to college right out of high school for a couple of reasons. A) My mom was terminally ill and she couldn't have lived by herself or supported herself, so I wound up going to work to help out. B) I didn't know what I wanted to go for. It has only been within the last 6 months that I have finally made up my mind and feel like I have found something that will truly hold my interests.

Like Fox, I really want this time to count. I want to do better than I did in high school. Not only to show other people I can do it, but to show myself. High school was mandatory, this time is for me.

Vindication

2009-01-31T05:23:00.000-08:00

Brownville Junction
Brownville
Milo

The Three Rivers Communities. Three towns connected by solidarity and a will to survive. Placed in the foot hills of Maine set away from the rest of the world. My home. Half an hour from the closest McDonalds or Subway. Near an hour to the closest Wal Mart. A population of roughly 4,000 people over an area of about half the size of Rhode Island. It's place where I can walk into any store or restaurant and say hello to 3/4's of the people sitting there because everyone knows everyone. You have to here to make it. I love my home. I was raised by these very communities after my parents passed.

And I watched their hearts get broke.

September 14, 2008 was a day that will ring in these towns memories forever. A 31 year old man broke into one of the down town businesses in Milo and stole a case of alcohol, to cover his tracks he set a fire, which in turn burned down 5 businesses and put almost a dozen people out of house and home. Over a case of alcohol. One man, over a something so stupid took a town that was struggling, giving its last breath to survive and took the legs out from underneath it crippling it. Landmarks were destroyed, jobs were gone, homes and possessions were lost.

I often wonder what was going through his head when he set the fire, because this didn't just affect a few people, this affected thousands. Thousands who grew up in this town, who frequented those businesses. I have watched tears shed over this tragedy more than once, over something so ridiculous, stupid and unnecessary.

2 days ago they finally made an arrest. I hope when the judge hands out his sentence, that he takes well into his consideration just how much this hurt not just the owners and the tenants, but the so many people whose lives were changed by this event.

I'm usually a fair man...

I say strap him to a light pole in the center of town, right in the middle of town where he destroyed an entire block and let every person who was hurt by this take one swing. If he survives, lock him up for life and make him do mandatory jail work and every cent that he makes goes back to the town.

That punishment is not enough, but what I would really do to this man I cannot post in a public forum.

So what is on your agenda?

2009-01-31T05:06:00.001-08:00

Do you have any plans for this fine weekend? The weather doesn't sound all that bad and the temperatures have slowly risen to what are seemingly a comfortable level for this time of year.

The progress on my projects has slowed a little the last few days. I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights therefore my energy level has been quite depleted. I have managed to get her new sewing table finished as well as the painting in the room. Today I am going to work on the storage unit as well as doing some much needed cleaning around the house. I think, as the plan was last night, that tonight we are going to the movies with atleast one of our friends, hopefully there will be another couple going as well.

3 more weeks to go before I get to go back, when I say it like that it seems like a long time but I've gotta admit that this past week flew by, maybe the next 3 will as well. Now I am just hoping that I will get everything on my list done before we start back up.

I've been thinking the last few days how easy it has become to get down in today's society. It's hard to have any hope when you take a step back and look at where we are as a population and knowing that the future doesn't look much brighter, atleast not for some time. As much as that thought sticks in the back of my mind, I have to admit that I am quite happy with my life as a whole. I have a house that keeps me reasonably dry and warm. I have a wife that loves me to no ends and supports me in every way she can. I work for a company, who even though did have to give us some time off, tries everything they can to do their best for US, not for themselves. I have some of the best friends in the world and who mean everything to me. Even though I am quite over weight I have been making efforts to slim down and my health is reasonably well. Life is good.

Life is good. Even though there are some small things that could use improvement, that is a constant in life no matter who or where you are. What matters is that you don't lay around and wallow in self pity but instead make an effort to right the things you are unhappy with. It's only when we stick together, when we all make an effort, no matter how small, can we each and all be happy. Help yourself but help others as well and lets see if in a result we can make the future look brighter than it does right now.

My night resulted in....

2009-01-30T03:42:00.000-08:00

My wife laying there with a blank stare on her face

Me: "You ok, babe?"

Her, starting to giggle uncontrollably: "I think you just fucked me stupid!"

A little bit of progress

2009-01-28T04:06:00.001-08:00

So now that it has been a couple days I figured I'd take a minute to write down the progress of my projects so far.

My wife's craft room is coming along, we had a minor set back with the base color of paint which resulted in me doing 2 coats of primer OVER the yellow but I am hoping that I can get the base color and the tape down to do the striping. I've already changed out the light fixture and it makes all the difference in the world. We've also decided to put in a 4' shop light in the other end of the room for some extra light while she is working.

I went shopping yesterday for supplies and found an excellent deal on carpet, getting enough to do almost the entire room for $35.00. Heather is going to custom knit a rug with yarn that I bought her yesterday that matches the colors on the walls.

Among other things I have finished loading the music off of our old computers onto our flash drive and now just have to figure out which cd's we want to copy.

I have replaced the aerator and sprayer in our kitchen sink as well as done the weekly grocery shopping and mailed my sister's christmas present...finally.....sorry sis

All in all I feel like I have gotten quite a bit accomplished since Monday. I just hope that I can keep up with the pace and keep myself busy and keep my mind occupied. I am kind of worried that I might have a cold setting in though. The last couple days I have been coughing pretty steadily and my lungs feel like they are on fire. Oh well, we'll deal with that as it comes.

How is your week progressing so far?

Oh, and I would like to say thank you to my lovely wife for all her kind words about me in her blog. Thank you baby I'm glad your happy with what is happening and it makes me feel like you appreciate what I am doing. love you

Almost glad

2009-01-26T05:04:00.000-08:00

As I sit here and look at the thermometer reading -22 I am somewhat glad that I am not working today. I miss my job, it's true and the thought that I am not going to work for a month is quite literally a maddening. Luckily I have found some projects to help keep my time occupied over the next four weeks. Right now I am waiting for the sun to rise over the hills and cast its rays into our valley so the room I am working in will be filled with natural light. While I am sitting here waiting I figured I would let you in on my doings for the foreseeable future.

1. I am doing an extreme home make over on my wife's craft room. This includes:
- Painting it, starting with a yellow basecoat and blue, green and purple stripes.
- Building a 5'x6' storage unit for all her yarn, fibers and what nots
- Building a proper desk for her sewing machine. For the last few years she has been using the top of my grandmothers 75 year old singer free-standing sewing machine
- Build her a proper chair. She has been using one that I built for myself and is quite literally 2 sizes to big for her
- Put up a new light fixture. The one that is in there now is from the 70's and really isn't all that stylish plus it doesn't give off very much light.

2. Clean the Basement. Our basement is ridiculous. We have 4 families worth of crap stuffed in our house and our basement is completely unusable because of the clutter. So I have to:
- Clear the steps
- Organize all totes and boxes
- Sort through 3 huge boxes of dishes, pots and pans that were left over from my mother's diner
- Go through all the wiring and make sure everything is safe as well as remove any that is unused. Our house has been rewired several times with additions being made for phone lines, cable, etc. Half aren't being used any more and has resulted in a spider web of cable and wiring hanging from the ceiling.

3. Clean the Garage. God help me.
- Repack all our camping gear
- Build a lumber rack (Wood working is my hobby and I have about 3 dozen hard wood boards scattered around the garage)
- Fix my air compressor and build a cabinet for it
- Fix my wife's gardening table (I kind of destroyed it by putting 2 dozen of said hard wood boards on top of it)
- Build a miter saw stand and work bench to properly take care of my tools

4. Fix the upstairs bathroom
- I need to support the toilet. a few years ago we took the flooring out of the bathroom and what is in there now is not as thick as the previous flooring so the toilet has a little bit of rocking movement in it. Always a joy when you try to use it in the middle of the night, half asleep.
- Replace drain pipe in the sink

5. Paint the stairs and banister

6. Paint our spare bedroom. We were going to wait til this spring but what the hell, I have a little time.

7. Try to get as much of our music in our cd catalog and two computers onto our new 16 gb flash drive.

8. Go with my wife (and hopefully Deidre and TJ) to see Underworld: Rise of the Lycans.

9. Hopefully and this is a hope but may very well not happen, go to Cabela's in Scarborough to return some Christmas presents. I don't know if I can afford the gas but I would like to try and make the trip, it would be an easy and fun way to eat up a day.

So as you can see I have a fairly busy few weeks ahead of me. The first few projects will eat up 2-4 days each so I'm hoping I won't have too much time just so sit and go numb.
The time is some what welcomed though. I have been blessed with many injuries resulting in broken bones and screwed up joints over the years. In my job I use my whole body which frequently riles up the old sores so hopefully I can relax a bit and recoop.

I know a lot of people besides myself have some slow time this time of year, do you have any projects to get yourself through this long cold winter months?

A week of downs and more downs

2009-01-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

Alright so the week hasn't been as bad as the headline sounds. Almost, but not quite.

Yesterday as I was at work on my machine in the mill, I see the president walk over and post a hand-written note on the time clock. Not a good sign. Usually when we have a meeting they print up a nice letter on a the computer giving us atleast 24 hours notice before hand. So I went over and read it and it stated that we had a meeting at 12:45 for All Employees underlined twice. Something was up.

As most of you well know the economy is in a major nose dive and thousands upon thousands are losing their jobs. Now I can join them. Granted, I am only in a temporary lay off, for the next 4 weeks I am 0ut of work. Benny, our president is one of the most decent guys in this entire world. He is honest, trustworthy, hardworking and he truly cares more about his crew than himself. He told us how since thanksgiving we have sawed 680,000 feet and only been able to sell 50,000. Right now we just can't keep going like this. Choking back tears he told us that he and the company would do everything they could to help us through this time, including paying our health insurance while we were off.

Things were tight to begin with. Heather and I finally had a plan on how to get ourselves more stable financially and how we might actually get ahead and now this is a major setback. I know we will make it through this. I have no doubt what so ever of that, but this will be a true test of our mettle.

I guess now I have some time to get some projects done around the house....too bad its -34 fucking degrees outside, haha

Now the other down that I referred to in the headline is my weight. As you well know I have been on a bender of weight loss, trying to get down to a reasonable and healthy weight. I am thrilled to say that this week has been a great success in the battle. This morning I weighed in at 300.4, the smallest I've been in almost 2 years. So far things are going splendidly and I am finding it easy to stay with the diet since I am still getting a dose of pepsi and chocolate everyday. Keep your fingers crossed that the next weeks go as smoothly.

How has your week been so far?

Well I am off to go crawl underneath the house. Apparently in the 3 day stretch of sub-zero temperatures the pipes to my washing machine have froze. Life is great, isn't it?

Keeping up with the resolutions

2009-01-11T07:43:00.000-08:00

So as I said in my previous post, losing weight is one of my primary goals for the 2009 season. So to help me keep track of my progress and see how well or poorly I am doing, I am going to post at least once a week my weight and what I am doing to get to whatever point I am at.

When I started seriously thinking about getting back on the wagon it was December 27th and I was at 312.2lbs, I started drinking less soda and trying to keep more active at night when I get home from work and on the weekends instead of sitting around eating snacks and watching t.v.

When I wrote the post the other day about my resolutions I was at 308.8. I have kept up with my resolution and have rode the exercise bike every other day as well as cutting back on my portions with my meals.

This morning I was at 307.4

I am quite happy with my progress so far and I am hoping that I can continue at the same type of pace for a while. I realize eventually it will level off and I will have to work harder to lose weight, seeing some sort of progress is a reassuring thing and drives me to push that little bit harder. Lets see how this week will go

Merry New Year!!

2009-01-08T16:26:00.000-08:00

So per tradition I have waitedd until AFTER the start of the new year to figure out what my resolutions should be. My track average is usually pretty good with about an 85% completion rating, so hey, why mess with a good thing right? So here we go, 2009 New Year Resolutions

1. To lose 45 lbs. This will not get me to my goal weight but it will be a damn good start, and at less than 4lbs a month is in my mind a completely attainable goal.

2. To ride our exercise bike atleast every other day. More is acceptable, less is intolerable.

3. To pay off my wife's debt consolidation loan. 3 years ago she took out a loan to help me get my life back in order. Through a multitude of reasons we have fallen a few months behind on payments and we want desperately to get caught back up. If we can get it paid off it would be an extra $350 bucks a month we could do other things we want with.

4. To take my wife hiking in Gulf Hagas. I promised to take her last year and I let her down. I won't be making that same mistake again. Hopefully it will be easier this year with me losing weight.

5. To be more organized. I have already started this resolution. In the last month I completely cleaned out my gun room and totally reorganized everything. Also last weekend I made some giant strides with the garage. I need to build some lumber racks so I can actually put stuff away and make some room. Hopefully that will come this weekend.

6. Write one good poem. Growing up I used to write constantly. Granted, some of the pieces were quite awful but never the less it was an effort and an emotion expressed. I think it has been almost 2 years since I really wrote anything and I want to make that effort again.

7. Okay, this one is the grand-daddy of them all. This is the big one, this is the one that no matter what, by December 31st, 2009 must be accomplished or else this whole year will be a failure.
I. want. to. get. drunk. Period.

So what are your hopes and dreams for the year ahead?

2008-12-24T13:04:00.001-08:00

I
Love
You
Heather Naomi Monroe Kinne
and I hope
That your Christmas
Is Merry and Bright

Reliving Days of Old...

2008-12-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

By the power of Greyskull!.....

When I was young, every time I heard that line it would send a chill up my spine and I felt like I was right there beside He-man fighting Skeletor and his henchmen. As much as I spent my days wandering through the fields and forests of Brownville, I spent my fair share of time watching the best cartoons of the last few generations. He - Man, Voltron, Thundercats, G.I. Joe, Those were the heroes of my youth. (Hell, I even dressed up as He-man for my 4th Halloween. I made a mighty fine one too I might add)

The cartoons of today are despicable to say the least. The villians are far from villainous and their worst crime is stealing some poor kids ipod or knocking out a cellphone tower. Whatever happened to trying to destroy the universe?

Over the last year or so and many hours perusing the internet and different stores (plus a little help from netflix) I have found whole seasons of my favorite cartoons. I have spent a few hours of late reliving my childhood and I've gotta say, it's GREAT! I never did realize how poor the cartoons of the youth today were until I could compare them to the lates and greats of my time.

So what I want to know is what were your favorite shows growing up? What was that special show that you could watch and it would totally make you forget about the world around you? What epic animated story made you feel like you were the gallant hero?

If you haven't relived some of your fond childhood memories lately I hope this post will inspire you to take a step back and dive in head first. Trust me, you'll love it!

Thundercats, Hoooooooooooooooooooooooo!

All For Naught

2008-12-04T16:42:00.000-08:00

Well Ladies and Gentleman, here I am, making yet another attempt to post the happenings of my life onto the world wide web. To start this thing off with a bang I'm going to fill you in on todays drama. For the last 5 years 7 months and 2 days I have been making my living working at Lumbra Hardwoods Inc. When I first started there I was happy, I felt fulfilled, I felt proud. My job is far from easy. It is physically exhausting and can wear you down quickly. Judging by the 30 or more people who have come and gone in my time, its not one for the weak or lazy. I used to tell everyone with luster where I worked and what I did cause I wanted everyone to know. Over the years, that luster and that passion has faded, and rather rapidly in the last couple years I might add. I'm tired of doing the same thing every single day, the monotony bores you to tears or even to tears some day, but that isn't what is killing my ambition. You see, the Lumbra's are some of THE nicest and honest people in the world. They are by far the best bosses and management ANYWHERE. They run the mill like a family business because it is a family business and we are just as much a part of that family.

That being said...is half of the problem. They are not very strict on who they hire or have very high standards. Unfortuneatly that means that about every other guy they hire is a complete idiot. Sure, most of them are nice guys and all and have good intentions but they don't have a enough common sense to match a housefly. I am frustrated, frustrated beyond all belief with these guys because when they do something wrong, it is the vets that get stuck fixing it or doing it right while they suffer no consequence. After going through this with so many guys that have come and gone, I am at my ends. I really don't feel like I can take it anymore and it is not worth it because from 7:00am when I punch in to 4:30 when I punch out I am frustrated or pissed off.

My wife and I have agreed that I was going to work at the mill for 2 more years and leave in the late summer of 2010 to start attending college full time. The reason that I was going to stay at the mill even that long was so when I did leave I could take my retirement with me which I was hoping was going to be near $25,000. That was until today...

This afternoon we met with our financial representatives and got to each discuss our portfolios individually. Now I understand that the world's economy is going down the tubes rather quickly but as of December 4th, 2008 I have lost 51% of my retirement....51 FUCKING PERCENT!!!!

I feel like everything that I have worked for is gone, and I don't know if I have enough time to rebuild it before I decide to go to school. I don't want to work at the mill anymore as it is and I sure as hell do not want to have to make my time table any longer but I don't see much of a choice. I seriously doubt I will be able to recover those kinds of loses in 21 months, especially with the way the economy is still dwindling. What do I do?